A Year Goes By And I Can't Talk About It...

"A year goes by, and I can't talk about it
The times weren't right, and I couldn't talk about it"
-Flyeaf "So I Thought"

Well, it's been a year since I have seen my husband, ahem, ex-husband. It's crazy how quickly a year goes by. I wish, very badly, that I can say I don't miss him, but I can't. I swear at times the pain grows more overwhelming as time goes by instead of lessening (which I have been ASSURED would happen) The one thing I can say that is different now is "oh well". Of course I don't truly feel that "oh, well" way, but there is nothing else I can do for the situation now. As much as I still love Ryan and want to show him that, I can't, all I can do is say "oh, well". As time goes on it's getting harder to believe what I want to believe. As I was driving home from the doctors today (I have the flu wohoo)I was thinking about my life and when it was "normal" and I was a wife and had someone that used to like to see me every morning and night, when I was happy. Then I realized, that isn't normal anymore. It was another sad realization for me. It's been hard to see all my dreams of a family and growing old with someone who knew me so well, completely crumble into this mess that it is now. I'm not saying "ohhhh, woe is me, my life sucks" I'm just saying I really miss my husband and the life I thought I was going to have with him. ahhhhhhhh anyway...

I went to a funeral on Sat. The baby of a friend of mine died. He was born with a heart defect that killed him. It was so very sad. I wasn't so sad about the baby dieing, I guess that's because I believe he is with heaven with Jesus, but I can't even imagine the grief of his mom and dad. They were so happy when they were able to bring him home after a long 2 months at the hospital. It was a Catholic funeral, which made the whole thing even more sad because there are all these things that HAS to be done according to the traditions of the Catholic Church and it just felt like it was rubbing the fact in that this precious little boy has died. I wasn't so sure if I should have gone to the funeral. It had been a while since she and I have been friends but I just thought I should be there just to show my support, in case she needed another person to help with anything. It's so weird that at the age of 22 a friend of mine just lost her baby boy. I swear by the time I'm 25 I'm going to be read to die cuz I will have experienced enough stuff to make me like 60... well, maybe not but I feel that way most days.
Well, this is a bit of a sad post but on a lighter note I got my engagement ring back from the depths of the bathroom heating duct. I guess that's all I have today... I'm going back to the safety of my dreams now... being sick makes me want to sleep ALL THE TIME!!! gosh!
Blessings,
~Jennanana