Like most people there are days where I feel so far away from God. Then there are days when I feel as though I am hold the clothe of his robe in my hands, like he is holding me near Him and I am literally under His wing of protection and love. Today was one of those days. It was so freeing, so pleasing, and so so peaceful. Then, just to make it a little better I get the "Divorce Care Daily Email" right now I'm on day 106 and we're on the "chapter" "Dealing With Depression" so everyday there is a new sub section in this subject. Today's was "Learn From Depression". Wow. So my immediate response is "Why would anyone want to learn from depression?" I quickly rebuked myself for sounding so stupid in my own head then I started thinking about the things that have happened that have brought me where I am today. Now I am thinking about the first time I understood the word "repent" (thanks Joe Rojas!). You're probably thinking I'm all over the place here, but that's how my crazy ADD mind works... like a collage. So, anyway, I thought of all these different things that I have not wanted to go through but have learned fabulous things because of them. Things about myself, others and most importantly God. So the question... what have I learned from my depression? Well, you won't get the whole answer but there's a few things I can share...
The most important thing I have learned is how God nurtures a broken spirit. Look in Psalm 34:18 it reads "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". Wow... Back sometime ago (I think a year and a half) I was a part of a woman's Bible study at church and one day there was this heaviness in the room. It was during a time when I was really struggling with missing my ex-husband and not knowing how I could move on in anything as a new person completely separated from the woman I had been for so many years. Other women in the group were facing struggles of their own. In fact I think that night every one of us had something going on. Some issues were medical some financial, others relational. And there was just a looming heaviness of heart in the room. We prayed for a very long time and something that Kim (our minister's wife) prayed has stuck with me and will continue to stay with me for a long time. She prayed thanking God for our brokenness because it brings us closer to Him (Psalm 51:17). He too was broken and He is the only one who can truly help us to overcome a broken heart and a broken spirit (Psalm 147:3).
It's amazing when you can look at your situation and all of the sudden realize "wow, i'm not that depressed anymore"... "I'm getting somewhere!"
More posts on "what I've learned from depression" to come... Until then Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans and to those who aren't Americans... Sucks to be you! ;-)
Blessings,
~Jennanana
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