Living Broken...

Well, the UnderOath concert was absolutely AMAZING! I'll write more about that another time as I have other things on my heart tonight.
I am so totally sold out to Jesus. Madly in love. Reminded everyday that I am blessed beyond comprehension and WAYYYYYY beyond what I deserve. I have screwed up so much in my life and He continues to woo my heart while I throw my little temper tantrums and spit in His face. I was reminded again today in a very powerful and painful way that He is truly, TRULY looking out for me. He plucked me from the path of destruction when I didn't even realize I was destroying myself and all I have done for months is whine and cry over it, thinking this is His punishment for slipping up and not obeying Him in all things but today my eyes were opened. I don't want anything to cause me to stumble in front of Christ and I'm the idiot who keeps moving those giant blocks I can't hurdle right in my path with the full knowledge that the block i just moved is 3 times my height and I don't know how to get myself out of the mess i just made for myself. Anyway, I've had a frustrating day, news about the ex-husband I wish I didn't know, our refrigerator died, I couldn't find the eye liner i wanted at Ulta (uber important!), and a very unexpected phone call. But yes, I'm stuck at the revelation God has given me today. I'm so broken hearted for my brothers and sisters who are so deceived by the tempter and his wiles that they knowingly and willing turn their back on God's word and make a mockery of what He has called His children to be like. Not only that but they add to the world's already super tainted view of Christianity as THE hypocritical religion. It's so frustrating and I wish they would just open their Bibles and start reading! Jesus wasn't like "well, as my followers, as my adopted children, co-heirs with me, here are some rules that I don't really care if you follow or not" No way! He was like "This is going to be hard, the world is going to try and entice you to follow them but this is important! Follow me, live upright, don't murder, don't hate, don't steal, don't fornicate, don't idolize anyone. Live in the world but don't live like the world. You will be noticed and you will be effective for My kingdom this way!!!"
It's great to love Christ! It's so so so important to love Him, but after that we're still here... We still have a job to do. We have lives to change by showing them the purity and beauty of Christ and it can't be done by acting like this dark, dirty world. WAKE UP CHRISTIANS! Don't let yourselves be deceived and disqualified to be a light for Christ. Think of what He sacrificed for you and ask yourselves if what you want, your sin, is more important than taking Christ off that cross. You continue to live your life in willing sin it's just like your driving another nail in his hands. It's absurd! You know the truth, you've lived by the truth, and your going to do something contrary to it? You know the consequence and your still going to walk away from what is right??? REALLY?
Oh, God it breaks my heart! I love these people and they walk away just like that and it seriously breaks my heart. I don't know what to do with this kind of pain, and it's frustrating. I ran today to try and alleviate and it worked a little but not enough. I think this is like the demon that Jesus cast out of the sick boy after coming down from the mountain where His transfiguration took place. His disciples couldn't cast the demon out and Jesus came and talked with the boy's father then commanded the evil spirit to come out of the boy. Later, the disciples asked Jesus why they weren't able to cast this demon out like they had been able to in many other cases. Jesus replied to them (Matthew 17:21) "this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting" (if you have a NIV Bible you may have to read the footnotes for this verse, as they put something else in the actual passage). I think it's going to take some hard-core praying to ease the pain from this brokenness.
Good night!
~Jenna