Random Thoughts On: Integrity, Righteousness, Joy, and Family

Random thoughts I've been thinking…

On integrity: Integrity is so important. If you're going to be on the front lines for Christ, in any sort of ministry, in ANY capacity you need to have integrity. I'm just as at fault here myself, I definitely need to work on this. The integrity of Christ is really what we should all be aiming for. Some people have gotten so comfortable with certain things like watching inappropriate shows, or using foul language, making corse jokes, and other things that it just seems normal or whatever. I realize you may wonder what my standard for inappropriate and foul is and say "why should Jenna make the standard for what's ok in these things" but the standard I use, and am trying to get better at using is that of Christ. It may sound terribly cliche and soooo 1999 but I literally ask myself; what would JEsus do? What would He think? If He were physically right next me would I be embarrassed at what I'm watching, saying, doing? What is this lack of integrity teaching new believers? I would be confused if I were new to christianity and witnessed one of my spiritual leaders engage in questionable behavior. I might think it's ok to do that, "even so and so does it"… You're in an amazing position to mentor someone, and share with them the amazingness that is Christ. Jesus shared His concern with this issues in Luke 17:2-4 when he said:
"It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea than for him to cause one of these little ones to stumble. Be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and comes back to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
------- I'm not writing this to convict ANYONE! I'm not writing this for any other reason but that this is how I feel about me and what's going on in my life, what I see in the world around me. If you're convicted by it maybe you should search and find out why but I'm simply writing my feelings.------

On righteousness: And I realized something. I hunger for righteousness. You know that song Holy of Holies; "Take me through the outer courts, to the secret place, past the brazen alter, Lord I want to see Your face. Pass me by the crowds of people, who wish to sing Your praise. I hunger and thirst for Your righteousness, and it's only found one place. Take me into the Holy of Holies. Take me in by the blood of the Lamb. Take me into the Holy of Holies. Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am." I don't want to be righteous or have this righteous integrity so that I will look good to people I come in contact with. I want it because it promises a deeper, more intimate relationship with Jesus, and THAT is what I want, it seems weird to even put into words but that is what I want. I want to be a man… well, woman, without mixture. I want to belong to Christ, and Christ alone. In His sermon on the mount Jesus said, "Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness are blessed, for they will be filled." (Matthew 5:6) Such a great promise!

On joy- and lack thereof: I'm tired of trying to be someone I am not to gain the approval of the people around me. I am tired of actually listening to the lies that this world, and even it's people, could ever give me a fraction of the joy I have in Christ. It can't be done. It's why i have been miserable for the last few weeks, I started looking for my new life in TN to give me the joy I have in Christ, and it can't compare. If you can't understand that then I'm so sorry! Drop me a line we can talk about it, and pray about it. C.S. Lewis said "Joy is the serious business of Heaven." and he was spot on!

On Memere, and Family: I've been thinking about my sweet Memere soooo much lately. I miss her like crazy and wish she were here in this transition, and also to help me furniture shop. She had an amazing talent for decorating that was definitely NOT passed to me. I wish I could go to CA to go see her and give her a hug, even though she won't know who I am. I can't help but be so grateful of the promise of perfected bodies in Heaven.
I miss my mom and everyone in Maine a lot too… mostly mom though. It still sort of seems like I'm on vacation and I'll be heading back shortly. I'm definitely homesick. I need a beach, red hotdog, and Bible study with Mom fix badly.

Well I guess that's all for randomness tonight.
Blessings,
~Jennanana