These are my thoughts after reading Matt Walsh's 2 recent blogs on marriage and divorce…
He is so spot on. I wish the Church today would condemn divorce as heavily as they have taken a stand against gay marriage. (I also wish the church would address all sexual sin as much as they address the sin in homosexuality, but that's not today's point)
In one of these blogs Matt shares a response from one of his twitter followers after making a statement like the one above. The response was from a Christian man who divorced his wife with the reason of "irreconcilable differences." For those of you blessed enough to now know, this is the "no fault" divorce. You can't get divorced without a reason, so if you don't have a Biblical one you are so graciously given the option to claim irreconcilable differences. This Christian dude who divorced his wife with this excuse exclaimed how much happier he is now, and how dare Matt Walsh speak against it.
This kills me. Being on the other end of "irreconcilable differences," it kills me for his wife, and for any spouse who's life is literally severed (think of the Biblical definition of marriage- divorce is a severing of one body) by the cop out that is "irreconcilable differences."
I'll be the first to admit marriage is hard! I was married for almost 2 years, I am not claiming to be an expert by any means but I know how hard marriage can be. Of course there are irreconcilable differences! Though you're joined as one in marriage, you still have two brains that will always have different thoughts and opinions on things. You will have differences that are irreconcilable, AND THIS IS NOT BAD. If this wasn't the case you'd be married to yourself. So what about the real things people get divorced over. My ex husband divorced me because he wanted to be a "normal 20 year old dude," without the responsibility of a wife and home and the like. The many people I have helped get through the tragedy of divorce, all divorced with the reason of "irreconcilable differences," have similar stories in that their spouse was leaving them for what they thought was "something better," aka selfishness. This is why I call "irreconcilable differences" a cop out, there's nothing irreconcilable about it. Marriage is hard because it calls for the constant giving up of one's self to another, it calls for constantly putting your spouse above you in everything, and marriage doesn't actually work if both people aren't doing this, trust me on that. In one of her SetApart Girl conferences Leslie Ludy was speaking about true purity and the need for more than just physical purity, but also emotional and spiritual purity. What she means by spiritual purity is that no matter what Christ remains central as each person's first love. She goes on to say that "the secret to marriage is for each person to keep Jesus Christ as their first love then they can say 'I'm happy in Christ, how can I serve my spouse?'" If you look to your spouse to be your constant fulfillment of joy and happiness you're going to be let down a lot. But if you live out of the fullness and overflowing joy found in Christ, you can fully serve your spouse out of that love and joy. There is no room for selfishness in marriage. Sometimes I think that's why in 1 Corinthians 7 Paul says it's good to stay unmarried. Selfishness is as common as hair, and it hardens the heart (selfishness, not hair… weird). In Matthew 19, when the Pharisees were trying to trip Jesus up with the question of divorce, they asked Jesus why, if divorce is so bad, Moses made a provision for it. Christ's answer sums up my marriage and divorce and all the ones I have ever heard of. Jesus answered, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts. But it was not like that from the beginning" This indicates a progressive hardening of one's heart, which is a side effect of selfishness, among many other things.
So, I know divorce will never be eradicated. And I'm not even suggesting that it should be. The Old Testament's laws of divorce protected abused, and mistreated spouses, which wouldn't exist if hearts were not hardened. What I am suggesting is that we, Christians, take a look at ourselves, married, single, divorced, whatever and we truly examine ourselves. Are we living selflessly toward our brother/sister, whether they are our spouse or not. Have we allowed our hearts to be hardened in one way or another? I know I have.
To the courts I say we cease to grant these "no fault" divorces. All they do is encourage the further hardening of hearts and shirk of responsibility. Let's call it what it is, selfishness.
I know the problem of selfishness will never be eradicated this side of Zion, but the church, the Body of Christ can do better. Address the problem- you. Center yourself in Christ and invite Him to His rightful place as First Love in your heart and watch the outflow that follows.
And also, listen to this Thrice song… "O, we promise pretty things, and we pledge with diamond rings we profess undying love. But does that word hold any weight when we reserve the right to break any vow that draws our blood. Our word is so faint and feeble broken by the slightest breeze or breath. Our hearts are they're so deceitful, sick and filled with lies that lead to death. We are cowards and thieves will we never turn to grieve the damage done? Never see, never quake with rage at what we have become? What we have become? Yeah we get down on we knee. O, we play at chivalry, but we do not count the cost. We say "On Me you can depend" and "I will be there 'till the end" though we will not bear the cross. Our word is so faint and feeble broken by the slightest breeze or breath. Our hearts are they're so deceitful sick and filled with lies that lead to death. We are cowards and thieves will we never turn to grieve the damage done? Never see, never quake with rage at what we have become? What we have become.
In Him,
~Jennanana
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