What is Love? Cynics Unite!

I'm studying 1 Corinthians, and I've come to chapter 13. And that was like 2 weeks ago... I just can't bring myself to study this chapter. In fact, I cringe at the though of it. Cynical much? For anyone who knows me, knows what I have been through. For those that don't and are reading this (welcome!) here's the short version: my husband divorced me 2 years into our marriage, and after being single for 2 years after that I fell madly in love with a guy who strung me along for 2 years while seeing another woman who he apparently just wed. All details aside, I'm a little cynical on the whole love, relationship, trust, stuff... Just a little (or a lot, whatev)... So this passage about love in 1 Corinthians 13 is like a knife in my side, I won't lie. I scoff at the mention of them, these words uttered so often in wedding ceremonies and commitments made to each other in the heat of the moment. Who REALLY hears the words? Who REALLY believes and practices what they teach? My cynical, bitter side wants to say, no one, but I know that's untrue. What I do know is I haven't heeded their instruction, especially not now while i'm too busy being cynical me, rather than obedient me. But something strikes me in all this. The Apostle John quotes Jesus in making a very blunt, and very un-confusable statement in John 14:15 "15 “If you love Me, you will keep My commands." John echoes Jesus' words more than once... 1 John 5:3 "For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands." Then in in 2 John 1:5-6 when he said (to a lady, no less) "So now I urge you, dear lady—not as if I were writing you a new command, but one we have had from the beginning—that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk according to His commands. This is the command as you have heard it from the beginning: you must walk in love." And that's when I thought "Dude, your bitter, cynicism sucks." It's interesting to me how easily, and how long things can truly be in the way. It's been six years since my DDay, and while I can honestly look back and say how grateful I am to have been released from a lifetime with someone like the ex, it's taken six long, painful, years to get there. The actually "anniversary" for the terrible day was just a few weeks ago, even after six years I still remember the feeling of complete and utter destitution. In the courthouse, unable to stop from sobbing, the judge asked Ryan three times, "are you sure this is what you want to do" and his answer did not change. I don't suppose memories like that ever go away, and maybe someday, somehow, I'll be able to use it for some sort of good. After my initial period of shell shock, and going into total robot-mode to survive, I made the decision that the love passage in 1 Corinthians 13 really centered around a selfless integrity, that I believed in for a little while but with the next obstacle came the next layer of cynicism, and I built that wall up higher this time. And here I am, to the point of scoffing at an integral part of God's beautiful, and glorious Word. I'd like to say I can just "get over it" but it's a little more difficult than I would have thought. I've forgiven Ryan, he's never asked for it, but I was so wrecked that I would never have made it out intact if God hadn't given me an avenue there. I guess my problem is something that is only going to continue to decline; the lack of integrity. If you say your going to do something, go through with it, whether it be marriage, or something as small as calling someone. I know I would get poo poo'd on this by many but that's the reason the world is in the state it's in. If I want to continue in a state of integrity I have to lay down the bitter and cynical facade and be obedient to the Word, even if I don't want to. So, for integrity's sake, in obedience 1 Corinthians 13... *shudder*
Ohhh, I'm so fickle.
Much love,
~Jennanana