You know those days where you just don't feel like you can do anything right? Where everything seems to go wrong and it makes you wonder about yourself? Your mind starts to go to questions like "Why the CRAP did Jesus die for me?" or "How on earth can God use me?" I've been having a lot of those days for the past... 26 years. They seemed to intensify when my ex-husband divorced me... after all, how could a divorced young woman be useful in the Kingdom of God? I didn't TRULY believe that, it's just how I felt going through the divorce and still I have waves of that feeling. Some days are worse than others, the last 2 or 3 weeks have been trying and I've felt like nothing but a complete screw-up. The thing that's so seriously amazing about God is He moves when He knows you truly need Him to move. After an unexpected, crushing divorce nearly 6 years ago, I FINALLY, am in an "adult-ish" place in my life. The last step was FINALLLLLLLLLLYYY moving out of my mom's house. YES, I have lived with my awesome mother for the past 6 years, and yes, I'm a little embarrassed admitting it but the pride's gotta go, right? Long story short, between the ex-husband taking all my money and leaving me with all the debt, and then my "financial generosity" towards my ex-boyfriend I couldn't afford to live anywhere else. Honestly though, emotionally, I'm fairly certain it was the best thing for me. So, it was, is, time. And God is absolutely amazing, I found a great apartment 3.15 miles from work, with a landlord that doesn't creep me out and make me want to own a .45 for my own protection. And yes, because I know it was your FIRST thought, Cadence is allowed! Great, right? And this isn't even the main subject of today's blog!! God worked out this apartment thing beautifully, at just the right time!
So today, Pastor Vince was teaching on the tail end of Matthew 14 when Jesus heals a bunch of people after He and Peter (silly, silly Peter) walk on water. Oh, we also celebrated communion today too... yes, that matters. Vince mentioned something that TOTALLY blew my mind and really answered the questions mentioned in the very beginning of the blog. He brought a uniting point on communion, the woman with the bleeding problem (Mark 5:25), and a mustard seed. So think about this... Jesus was and is TOTALLY holy, right? During His early ministry He was sinless,He sacrificed Himself in a painful, brutalizing act of violence, He conquered death, and reconciled a race to God! And what does He ask us to do in remembrance of this? He said eat, and drink. Eat the bread in remembrance of His flesh that was broken for our salvation, and drink the juice (you do NOT want to get into a theological debate on Jesus drinking wine with me!) in remembrance of His blood that poured out in order that we could engage in a relationship with God again. It's crazy right? Something so simple and small, eat and drink... In Mark 5 you will read about the woman who was bleeding for 12 years (bleeding, yes... ladies we feel her pain right?) she had been to the docs who took her money but couldn't help her. She was considered unclean by the culture of the day and was treated like a leper, unable to come into contact with anyone who was clean. But this lady saw Jesus coming through town with the crowds of people following Him and she believed He could heal her. So she broke the rules of society and tried to get through the crowd, she somehow ended on the ground but continued to make her way to Jesus, truly believing that if she "could just touch the hem of His robe" she would be saved. As Vince pointed out the hem or a robe in Jesus' day was probably the dirtiest piece of clothing, it was trailed through dirt everywhere. But that is all this woman wanted, it was all she needed, when she finally was able to just touch the hem she was healed. Jesus felt the power that had healed this woman, go out of Him and He asked who touched Him. The woman came before Him and told Him what she had done, Jesus responded saying "Your faith has made you well, go in peace and be free from your affliction." Soooooo tying this in now... His hem! That's what she touched, that's all. His dirty, filthy, hem and probably only with loose grip (she was getting trampled in the crowd). Small, and so simple. And Jesus told the woman that her FAITH saved her. You know what else is small and simple? A mustard seed... Jesus said it; "For I assure you: If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Being a small, simple, seemingly insignificant person myself, this holds a lot of hope. So HOPEFULLY, the next time I think "How on earth can God use me?" I'll think of all this and remember God's looking for faith the size of a mustard seed, and obedience to follow and remember Him.
Sorry this is a little choppy, I seem to have that whole AD....SQUIRREL... HD thing going on tonight...
Anywhoo... Be blessed!
~Jennanana
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