It's bee two years since D-Day. Who counts these things? Obviously I do, I didn't really count it, it's just been constantly on my mind 24/7. Anyway, I'm just sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I was momentarily distracted by going up to see Scott play a show but I was back home within like 3 hours and here I am. I still can't believe something so emotional can cause so much physical pain. As I sit here bawling my eyes out while clutching my chest (partly for dramatics of course) I can't help but think it was only early today we actually got divorced. To think that two years have passed makes me panic. Why, you ask. Well, It's many reason but i think the most prominent one is that every year and every minute that passes makes this more finalized. Yes, maybe its naive of me but I still pray that Ryan and I could someday work out our issues and regain what we once had. But the more time that passes the more unlikely this becomes and the more distraught I become. so here we are, 2 years in. At the one "Divorce Care" support group thing that I went to the guys who was teaching said that most people don't get far enough "over it" to even consider being somewhat "over it" for 3-7 years. I totally understand why, since I'm living that but honestly I don't think I can take another 4 years of this pain, heck I don't think I can take another year of it.
In the meantime I have a friend who's spouse just let him. It seems like a similar situation than my own and I just can't stop crying over it. I can't imagine anyone else having to go through what I had to and having anywhere near the pain I had and still have. Seriously, if I could save just one couple from the pain and anger and frustration and all the crap that comes in hand with divorce I would be very happy. My heart is absolutely shattered for this couple, if i could take the pain that is inevitable with divorce from them I would because I would not wish that on ANYONE!
In God, THE God who can move mountains and bind up broken hearts,
Goodnight...
~Jennanana
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