I have been wanting to write this for a while now.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif.. The opportunity has arrived. I was listening to one of my very favorite tunes by As Cities Burn (see video above). A little ditty known as "Wake Dead Man, Wake". It's a powerful song both sound wise and lyric wise but for those of you (older) people who can't make out words when someone is screaming them it may not move you like it moved me. Here are the lyrics:
Let the dead bury their own dead
Will you still love me in famine
As when love began at the harvest
Or would you gain the whole world
Son, I love you at your darkest
But what good is the whole world
When I promise no tomorrow
I only promise your tomorrows
Will never take you past my palm
Love, what is love without trust
At my word would you bring your isaac
Son, I loved you at your darkest
Powerful right? Well, I looked at these lyrics months ago when I rediscovered this record and thought "WOW! Powerful lyrics"... but didn't really do much after that. On the ride home from Soul Fest last week I was thinking about these lyrics again... played the song from my handy dandy Zune (man, I love my Zune)and thought... "HOLY CRAP!!! Would I bring my isaac???" (For those of you COMPLETELY lost see Genesis 22 and know that Abraham and his wife Sara went many many MANY years with the promise of a baby but didn't have one until they were in their old age...) I started thinking... Would I bring everything I held most dear to my heart and leave it on the alter of God and walk away knowing and trusting that God would work it all out? See God wasn't asking Abraham to murder his own son, He was asking Abraham to trust Him. What is love without trust? It's not enough to love God you have to trust God in order to love Him completely.
So my question goes out to my brothers and sisters in Christ... At God's word, would you bring your isaac?
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
I Open My Eyes To the Breathtaking Splendor Of Brand New Skies...
So today started as the hardest day in the past 3 years of my existence. I stayed in bed willing my body to sleep until noon, just because I didn't want to go through another day. I didn't want to think about John and I didn't want to know that I had nothing to do, that another weekend was passing that I wasn't hanging with my best friend when it was all he and I used to really hang out on. And summer makes it even harder because I have so many good memories of us at Pine Point with Benny... It's so hard to let go of something you thought was so good. Anyway, I finally dragged myself out of bed and found mom in the living room and just started balling again. She tried to find the words to help but there just wasn't any. I just needed to cry. It's hard to learn someone you thought you knew so well was someone else, especially when you let that someone into your heart so deeply after your heart was torn apart by another man who was supposed to be someone else. Having nothing to do I could have sat there all day and cried, easily. But I took a shower and dressed put on some makeup to cover the crazy swollen eyes and packed a bag of stuff and took off. I didn't know where I was going but I did know at some point today I was going to end up at a beach somewhere.
I drove to Georgetown. Don't know why, it just seemed like a good idea. Saw the prettiest spot. It was a cove with an island right in the middle of the opening to the wide open sea. There was a little fog on the water and from where I was looking there was a sea-rose bush on a little hill overlooking the cove... it was breath-taking.
I took a picture of it but it doesn't do it justice. So I drove around Georgetown looking for a pier that I had been to once, long ago, but didn't find it so I decided to scoot over to Popham again.
It was like 4 when I got there and there wasn't many people but i trekked to an open spot on the beach, away from everyone, and laid down on my sweatshirt and other random articles of clothing as I did not bring a blanket and slept for like an hour. Then I decided to read for a little bit. I look up like 30 minutes later look to my left and right and see absolutely NO ONE on the beach... Weird. So I took the opportunity and managed to put my running clothes on under my other clothes (thank goodness for skirts!) and went for a run on the beach. I ran a good two miles and there was no one there. It was so amazing. There was a storm rolling in at the same time and the thunder was starting while the sky was darkening and moving fast. It was such an amazing feeling to be the only one there. So I was singing to the music playing on my zune, We Came As Romans, and it was really nice. Every runners dream right? ;-)
Well, i got back to my stuff and decided to start packing up to leave so I got to my car just as the lightening show started. So i threw my stuff in the car and went back out to watch from the rocks when something amazing happened. There was a few flashes of lightening but this really mean looking cloud was moving really fast from the other side of the cove and as it moved the sky behind it was clear, then a little piece of a rainbow came into view.
It brought to mind God's promise to Noah and made me think of God's promises to me. I've been thinking about them a lot recently because of what has been going on but seeing this really spoke to my troubled spirit. I heard God whisper to me today. "This storm will pass, and My promise will prevail, but know there are more storms ahead". I really felt this being spoken to my soul and it comforted me.
I know I'm still going to struggle with this and I do not like it at all but a little comfort goes a long ways in times like these. It's a humbling and invigorating thing when you hear God speak to you I think...
"I open up my eyes oh Lord, to see all the things You’ve done
I open up my heart oh God, to feel Your unfailing love
I open up my all to You, all my life for Your glory shown
I open up my soul to You alone, come make yourself at home
And I’ll give all I have left to give
Cause it’s everything I am, Lord
And this life I’ll spend it all for You
I’ll waste it all on You
I offer up my mind to You, I long for the truth You know
I offer up my feet to You, they’ll walk straight on the path You show
I offer up my time to You, so keep me and hold me stillhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
I offer up my hands to You, Lord use them to do Your will
Let Your Spirit take me over God,
Cause it’s all I’ll ever need, yeah You’re all I’ll ever need Lord
Receive this life an offering God
Cause I’ve spent it all on You, yeah I’ll spend it all on You God"
---Ascend The Hill "Spend It All"
Be Blessed,
~Jenna
PS... my next post may be emo... and that's ok!
I drove to Georgetown. Don't know why, it just seemed like a good idea. Saw the prettiest spot. It was a cove with an island right in the middle of the opening to the wide open sea. There was a little fog on the water and from where I was looking there was a sea-rose bush on a little hill overlooking the cove... it was breath-taking.
I took a picture of it but it doesn't do it justice. So I drove around Georgetown looking for a pier that I had been to once, long ago, but didn't find it so I decided to scoot over to Popham again. It was like 4 when I got there and there wasn't many people but i trekked to an open spot on the beach, away from everyone, and laid down on my sweatshirt and other random articles of clothing as I did not bring a blanket and slept for like an hour. Then I decided to read for a little bit. I look up like 30 minutes later look to my left and right and see absolutely NO ONE on the beach... Weird. So I took the opportunity and managed to put my running clothes on under my other clothes (thank goodness for skirts!) and went for a run on the beach. I ran a good two miles and there was no one there. It was so amazing. There was a storm rolling in at the same time and the thunder was starting while the sky was darkening and moving fast. It was such an amazing feeling to be the only one there. So I was singing to the music playing on my zune, We Came As Romans, and it was really nice. Every runners dream right? ;-)
Well, i got back to my stuff and decided to start packing up to leave so I got to my car just as the lightening show started. So i threw my stuff in the car and went back out to watch from the rocks when something amazing happened. There was a few flashes of lightening but this really mean looking cloud was moving really fast from the other side of the cove and as it moved the sky behind it was clear, then a little piece of a rainbow came into view.
It brought to mind God's promise to Noah and made me think of God's promises to me. I've been thinking about them a lot recently because of what has been going on but seeing this really spoke to my troubled spirit. I heard God whisper to me today. "This storm will pass, and My promise will prevail, but know there are more storms ahead". I really felt this being spoken to my soul and it comforted me. 
I know I'm still going to struggle with this and I do not like it at all but a little comfort goes a long ways in times like these. It's a humbling and invigorating thing when you hear God speak to you I think..."I open up my eyes oh Lord, to see all the things You’ve done
I open up my heart oh God, to feel Your unfailing love
I open up my all to You, all my life for Your glory shown
I open up my soul to You alone, come make yourself at home
And I’ll give all I have left to give
Cause it’s everything I am, Lord
And this life I’ll spend it all for You
I’ll waste it all on You
I offer up my mind to You, I long for the truth You know
I offer up my feet to You, they’ll walk straight on the path You show
I offer up my time to You, so keep me and hold me stillhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
I offer up my hands to You, Lord use them to do Your will
Let Your Spirit take me over God,
Cause it’s all I’ll ever need, yeah You’re all I’ll ever need Lord
Receive this life an offering God
Cause I’ve spent it all on You, yeah I’ll spend it all on You God"
---Ascend The Hill "Spend It All"
Be Blessed,
~Jenna
PS... my next post may be emo... and that's ok!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tides Are Turning...
Well... It's been a while since I've been here...
A lot has changed in my life in the last year. I've come to places I didn't think I would ever find, nor was I interested in finding them, they kinda just found me. It's funny how God can work through everything and still I forget to trust Him. How is it possible He can still find me favorable when I doubt His ability and love... EVEN WHEN HE SPELLS IT RIGHT OUT TO ME?!? (Romans 8:28) How hard is that? Sheeeeez, anyway... In this last year I have felt a heaviness leave my heart. Anyone who has ever lost someone to death or divorce probably knows that feeling, the actual physical feeling of grief that just sits on your heart. Well, that feeling is finally gone. I've had my time to grieve and I am so thankful God gave me that time, because i have learned so many, SO SO SO many valuable things in this time that will, and have been important in my life. And now I am SO thankful God has put an amazing man in my life that has brought me joy abundantly. Yea, yea, I know I said I'd never date another man and this and that but I was wrong. God obviously had another plan for me then what I had planned for myself, which is totally mind-blowing because He's got a way better imagination than I do. I have found myself in this state of being so excited for what my future holds again. Well, if God can bring me out of what He has in the last few years, I believe He's got some more amazing stuff planned for me and I can't wait to find out what it is... Anyway, this blog has been a long time coming but I must keep it short.
If there is anyone reading this who finds themselves in a place full of grief and despair and troubles and worries don't be dismayed. God is amazing and if you are willing to trust in Him, He will reach out and pluck you from the trials and troubles of this world. He's not going to do it in your time or in a way you may think He should, but trust His words and trust His love. His love can and will conquer all. God made this simple through His words in the Bible. Jeremiah 29: 11-12,Romans 8:28, and Psalm 147:3 and so many many more. Take His words to heart. Lean on His goodness and love and know that He is the Almighty God and with Him nothing is impossible!
Blessings,
~Jennanana
A lot has changed in my life in the last year. I've come to places I didn't think I would ever find, nor was I interested in finding them, they kinda just found me. It's funny how God can work through everything and still I forget to trust Him. How is it possible He can still find me favorable when I doubt His ability and love... EVEN WHEN HE SPELLS IT RIGHT OUT TO ME?!? (Romans 8:28) How hard is that? Sheeeeez, anyway... In this last year I have felt a heaviness leave my heart. Anyone who has ever lost someone to death or divorce probably knows that feeling, the actual physical feeling of grief that just sits on your heart. Well, that feeling is finally gone. I've had my time to grieve and I am so thankful God gave me that time, because i have learned so many, SO SO SO many valuable things in this time that will, and have been important in my life. And now I am SO thankful God has put an amazing man in my life that has brought me joy abundantly. Yea, yea, I know I said I'd never date another man and this and that but I was wrong. God obviously had another plan for me then what I had planned for myself, which is totally mind-blowing because He's got a way better imagination than I do. I have found myself in this state of being so excited for what my future holds again. Well, if God can bring me out of what He has in the last few years, I believe He's got some more amazing stuff planned for me and I can't wait to find out what it is... Anyway, this blog has been a long time coming but I must keep it short.
If there is anyone reading this who finds themselves in a place full of grief and despair and troubles and worries don't be dismayed. God is amazing and if you are willing to trust in Him, He will reach out and pluck you from the trials and troubles of this world. He's not going to do it in your time or in a way you may think He should, but trust His words and trust His love. His love can and will conquer all. God made this simple through His words in the Bible. Jeremiah 29: 11-12,Romans 8:28, and Psalm 147:3 and so many many more. Take His words to heart. Lean on His goodness and love and know that He is the Almighty God and with Him nothing is impossible!
Blessings,
~Jennanana
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saying Goodbyes and Loving 1 Peter
Wow, what a crazy weekend! I just got home from The Logan's house where I said goodbye to Ken and Melissa and Scott. I spent Saturday with Ken and Melissa helping them pack and move stuff into storage, fun! I know most people wouldn't count that as much fun but I'm pretty sure I'm not most people AND I'm pretty sure that was the most fun I've had in like months... I got there at about 2ish and April was there. We basically filled up boxes with random things for a little while until Ken got back with the big moving truck. He backed it up to the side of the building so we could just throw things out the 2nd story window at him, it was fun! After April and I did just most of the boxes Kens cousin PJ showed up and totally rearranged the truck, which is good cuz we needed A LOT more room. Then a little while later Shanon, Scott, and John showed up. I went to get some pizza and drinks and stuff and when I got back to the apartment I made Blue Lightning and it was delicious. After having one cup I was like, totally wired for the rest of the night. Ken, PJ, John, Scott and myself all went to the storage unit to empty the truck and I had a BAD case of the giggles. Between Scott's "little sheet heads" comment and John's comment on the box of toys I could hardly breathe! It was nice to just be able to chill with Ken and Melissa for one more day before the big move. Sleeping on their hardwood floor with a little blanket and half a pillow was a little difficult and resulted in only 2.5 hours of sleep but hey, who's counting ;-).
The three of them took off today at about 3:00pm and I am really going to miss chilling with Ken and Melissa but hopefully this whole Tennessee thing will go really good for them and Ken opens a recording studio and I can go work at it ;-)... Here's to wishful thinking!...
On a whole different topic I have been thinking a lot about the book of 1st Peter. If you haven't read it go read it now! I believe it's only 5 chapters... But seriously if you love Jesus you NEED to read this. I almost cry reading about how much Peter loved Jesus, how completely submerged in this "great romance" between himself and his Savior. I find myself thinking "hey, I want to be that in love with Him". So I made a decision... Most of you know I'm divorced (the name of my blog kinda gives it away) and I HATE it. I haven't started the whole dating thing, and I'm not going to. But even with that said, I still have this nerve in the back of my head that likes to remind me I'm alone, and I might be for the rest of my time on earth (alone as in no boyfriend or fiance of spouse). When this little nerve starts doing it's thing I start to get nervous and think "oh, maybe I should go out and try this whole dating thing" or something like that and I get confused, off track, and worried. So I have decided any time this little nerve starts transmitting these crazy thoughts I'm going to dive into the book of Peter. I'm going to fall more in love with Jesus just like Peter. I want to be so completely love-struck that people will ask what I'm on! I used to be like that back in high school but my attention moved from God to my spouse, and as much as I love Ryan, he is nothing compared to Jesus! In a way I have been blessed through this divorce, with an opportunity to focus completely on God instead of a spouse or whatever to fall back madly in love with Him. I want to be able to love in every circumstance. 1st Peter 4:8 is the verse I want to live my life by:
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
In Christ,
~Jennanana
The three of them took off today at about 3:00pm and I am really going to miss chilling with Ken and Melissa but hopefully this whole Tennessee thing will go really good for them and Ken opens a recording studio and I can go work at it ;-)... Here's to wishful thinking!...
On a whole different topic I have been thinking a lot about the book of 1st Peter. If you haven't read it go read it now! I believe it's only 5 chapters... But seriously if you love Jesus you NEED to read this. I almost cry reading about how much Peter loved Jesus, how completely submerged in this "great romance" between himself and his Savior. I find myself thinking "hey, I want to be that in love with Him". So I made a decision... Most of you know I'm divorced (the name of my blog kinda gives it away) and I HATE it. I haven't started the whole dating thing, and I'm not going to. But even with that said, I still have this nerve in the back of my head that likes to remind me I'm alone, and I might be for the rest of my time on earth (alone as in no boyfriend or fiance of spouse). When this little nerve starts doing it's thing I start to get nervous and think "oh, maybe I should go out and try this whole dating thing" or something like that and I get confused, off track, and worried. So I have decided any time this little nerve starts transmitting these crazy thoughts I'm going to dive into the book of Peter. I'm going to fall more in love with Jesus just like Peter. I want to be so completely love-struck that people will ask what I'm on! I used to be like that back in high school but my attention moved from God to my spouse, and as much as I love Ryan, he is nothing compared to Jesus! In a way I have been blessed through this divorce, with an opportunity to focus completely on God instead of a spouse or whatever to fall back madly in love with Him. I want to be able to love in every circumstance. 1st Peter 4:8 is the verse I want to live my life by:
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
In Christ,
~Jennanana
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Still Love... Real Love... "Love" Love
I'm told love can help heal. And by heal I mean any kind of heal, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. I've always believed this. It may not be a magical and flashy in-your-face kind of thing but I have always believed Love can heal. This whole thought comes from an article from Relevant Magazine that was emailed to me (thanks Shanon!) titled Being In "Love" Love.
I was instantly captured by this title and those of you that know me know why... For those of you who don't... It's pretty much just because I am a dork who says stuff like "like" that... Catch my drift? Anyway...
The article was about Love and how Love is defined. The author of this blog goes on to talk about how God is Love and how love is one of the very few things all humans need and desire. Therefore if God is Love and Love is needed isn't this need actually for God? WOA! So anyway everyone should check the article out. While I DO NOT agree with everything Relevant Magazine stands for I do think this article is one everyone should read...
Speaking about Relevant... I found it very interesting how there are like 3 categories in the "featured" menu on their web site "God", "Life", and "Progressive Culture"... what is up with that? I guess I don't understand how the first two can be separated, going back to the love theory... If God is life how can the two be separated? oi... and how is "movies books and films" considered "progressive" culture?
Anyway back to love...
I kind of find it weird that while suffering through the aftermath of a divorce that was not my choice, losing the only man I have ever loved (in a romantic way), and having everything I dreamed and worked for torn away from my death grip, I have become a crusader of Love. Once I had what I considered "everything" stripped away from me, I turned back to the only place that I could... I had burned all my bridges in my relationship with my husband and became a failure and another number to add to the heart wrenching divorce stats. All I did was turn around (not literally, but stay with me for a minute) and there was Love, with His arms wide open and His heart absolutely broken for mine. It was then that I realized the verse in Corinthians wasn't just some pretty wall hanging but words to live by. Absolutely live by. And this Love is what I want to be, not just what I want to show not just an action but a life. If we are created in the image of God, and God is Love, then shouldn't we also be Love? This is what I want....
We want love, love at the core
The cold of the flesh always seems to creep inside of my chest
And I need the pulse of You God
To fill these veins and touch my heart so I can start
Living again
We've seen the dark of the night
Son won't You come shine some light on our lives
We want love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
I'm numb to cries of this world
As I lye holding on
On You with all of me my everything
I need You to breathe into me
Son won't You come shine
Love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
So much more of this life
That we're reaching for
We want love
Sweeter than wine You are
You are
We've seen the dark of the night
Son won't You come shine some light on our lives
We want love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
So much more of this
Life that we're reaching for
We want love to bind us tonight
Leave behind your own disguise
So love can find you and I
I was instantly captured by this title and those of you that know me know why... For those of you who don't... It's pretty much just because I am a dork who says stuff like "like" that... Catch my drift? Anyway...
The article was about Love and how Love is defined. The author of this blog goes on to talk about how God is Love and how love is one of the very few things all humans need and desire. Therefore if God is Love and Love is needed isn't this need actually for God? WOA! So anyway everyone should check the article out. While I DO NOT agree with everything Relevant Magazine stands for I do think this article is one everyone should read...
Speaking about Relevant... I found it very interesting how there are like 3 categories in the "featured" menu on their web site "God", "Life", and "Progressive Culture"... what is up with that? I guess I don't understand how the first two can be separated, going back to the love theory... If God is life how can the two be separated? oi... and how is "movies books and films" considered "progressive" culture?
Anyway back to love...
I kind of find it weird that while suffering through the aftermath of a divorce that was not my choice, losing the only man I have ever loved (in a romantic way), and having everything I dreamed and worked for torn away from my death grip, I have become a crusader of Love. Once I had what I considered "everything" stripped away from me, I turned back to the only place that I could... I had burned all my bridges in my relationship with my husband and became a failure and another number to add to the heart wrenching divorce stats. All I did was turn around (not literally, but stay with me for a minute) and there was Love, with His arms wide open and His heart absolutely broken for mine. It was then that I realized the verse in Corinthians wasn't just some pretty wall hanging but words to live by. Absolutely live by. And this Love is what I want to be, not just what I want to show not just an action but a life. If we are created in the image of God, and God is Love, then shouldn't we also be Love? This is what I want....
We want love, love at the core
The cold of the flesh always seems to creep inside of my chest
And I need the pulse of You God
To fill these veins and touch my heart so I can start
Living again
We've seen the dark of the night
Son won't You come shine some light on our lives
We want love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
I'm numb to cries of this world
As I lye holding on
On You with all of me my everything
I need You to breathe into me
Son won't You come shine
Love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
So much more of this life
That we're reaching for
We want love
Sweeter than wine You are
You are
We've seen the dark of the night
Son won't You come shine some light on our lives
We want love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
So much more of this
Life that we're reaching for
We want love to bind us tonight
Leave behind your own disguise
So love can find you and I
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sorrow and Joy Met One Day On the Road To My Heart
When everything is wrong
The day has passed and nothing's done
And the whole world seems against me
When I'm rolling in my bed, there's a storm in my head
I'm afraid of sinking in despair.
Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what you're bringing me will
Change my life and bring you glory &
There on the storm I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in your arms eternally
I thank you, Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.
You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I'm amazed & the power of your will
Cuz I'm a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget your grace
And you say, "Peace, be still."
There on the storm I am learning to let go
The white wave's high, it's crashing o'er the deck
And I don't know where I go
Where are you Lord, is my ship going down?
The mast is gone so throw the anchor
Should I jump and try to swim to land?
There on the storm, teach me God to understand
Of the Will that I just cannot control
There may I see all you love protecting me
I thank you Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.
"Calmer Of the Storm" by Downhere
So, I've had a bad few days. Maybe being alone isn't the best thing lol. I really do enjoy the time I have to do whatever, playing my bass, my xbox, singing and dancing like a fool etc... But lately I can't stop thinking of the divorce. Not that I have ever stopped thinking about it but it seems to be on my mind a lot more. It's more than likely due to the fact that a friend of mine is about to get a divorce and another friend of mine is getting married and my little sister is getting married, a whole bunch of friends are pregnant... and here I am. In my hometown, in my mom's house. I'm tired of feeling stuck but at the same time I know I'm not stuck. Maybe physically and locationally I am stuck but, though I still miss my husband and wish we could have worked our way through our issues instead of giving up, I have moved on with my life as I have had to to survive. You know? The song posted above was brought up by someone the other day and I had to chuckle because it reminded me of a beautiful letter Ryan had written me when we were dating. Then started the chain effect and all these little cute things that he said starts popping into my mind, I sooo wish there were a button to turn of this flood of emotion that is a result of these memories. But there isn't and even if there were I don't think i would use it. I think it's so weird when people tell me not to "look back" and stuff. Short of amnesia, how am I supposed to forget something, someone that changed my life forever? Why am I expected to go on forever thinking he's not "good enough" for me when I gave him my vows on June 26th, 2005? If i could "get over" someone so quickly why would I have married him in the first place? It's an asinine assumption, but it is 2009 and I supposed I should not be surprised...
Anyway. In the midst of all this sorrow I am soooooo very delighted that I can smile and feel the joy of Jesus. Seriously, I'm not even just saying that b/c I am a Christian. Sometimes the joy is almost overwhelming, hence my random "I like Jesus" or "I love Jesus" outbursts (and you all thought I was just trying to get attention lol). It's sad that it took losing the "earthly" (sorry for the cliche) love of my life to become so much closer with the TRUE "eternal" love of my life. *sigh*
Night everyone!
O LORD, you brought me up from the grave;
you spared me from going down into the pit.
Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Love,
~Jennanana
The day has passed and nothing's done
And the whole world seems against me
When I'm rolling in my bed, there's a storm in my head
I'm afraid of sinking in despair.
Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what you're bringing me will
Change my life and bring you glory &
There on the storm I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in your arms eternally
I thank you, Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.
You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I'm amazed & the power of your will
Cuz I'm a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget your grace
And you say, "Peace, be still."
There on the storm I am learning to let go
The white wave's high, it's crashing o'er the deck
And I don't know where I go
Where are you Lord, is my ship going down?
The mast is gone so throw the anchor
Should I jump and try to swim to land?
There on the storm, teach me God to understand
Of the Will that I just cannot control
There may I see all you love protecting me
I thank you Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.
"Calmer Of the Storm" by Downhere
So, I've had a bad few days. Maybe being alone isn't the best thing lol. I really do enjoy the time I have to do whatever, playing my bass, my xbox, singing and dancing like a fool etc... But lately I can't stop thinking of the divorce. Not that I have ever stopped thinking about it but it seems to be on my mind a lot more. It's more than likely due to the fact that a friend of mine is about to get a divorce and another friend of mine is getting married and my little sister is getting married, a whole bunch of friends are pregnant... and here I am. In my hometown, in my mom's house. I'm tired of feeling stuck but at the same time I know I'm not stuck. Maybe physically and locationally I am stuck but, though I still miss my husband and wish we could have worked our way through our issues instead of giving up, I have moved on with my life as I have had to to survive. You know? The song posted above was brought up by someone the other day and I had to chuckle because it reminded me of a beautiful letter Ryan had written me when we were dating. Then started the chain effect and all these little cute things that he said starts popping into my mind, I sooo wish there were a button to turn of this flood of emotion that is a result of these memories. But there isn't and even if there were I don't think i would use it. I think it's so weird when people tell me not to "look back" and stuff. Short of amnesia, how am I supposed to forget something, someone that changed my life forever? Why am I expected to go on forever thinking he's not "good enough" for me when I gave him my vows on June 26th, 2005? If i could "get over" someone so quickly why would I have married him in the first place? It's an asinine assumption, but it is 2009 and I supposed I should not be surprised...
Anyway. In the midst of all this sorrow I am soooooo very delighted that I can smile and feel the joy of Jesus. Seriously, I'm not even just saying that b/c I am a Christian. Sometimes the joy is almost overwhelming, hence my random "I like Jesus" or "I love Jesus" outbursts (and you all thought I was just trying to get attention lol). It's sad that it took losing the "earthly" (sorry for the cliche) love of my life to become so much closer with the TRUE "eternal" love of my life. *sigh*
Night everyone!
O LORD, you brought me up from the grave;
you spared me from going down into the pit.
Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Love,
~Jennanana
Friday, December 26, 2008
Emanuel, Christ Is With Us!
Just something to keep you thinking and loving the One who created love...
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.
In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' "From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known.
-John 1:1-18
Amazing!
~Jenna
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.
In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' "From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known.
-John 1:1-18
Amazing!
~Jenna
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Love Is a Sweet Sweet Thing...
Well, I have done a lot of thinking and “soul searching”, as some would say, during the time from the last installment of my writings (hah). I’m finding everyday that God is opening my eyes to so many things I didn’t know I wasn’t even seeing…following me? I wish I could say these new revelations have made me happier, or smiley, or something like that but I’m afraid I’ve developed a bit of a bitter and almost recluse attitude towards my daily duties such as work and well, mostly work. I can say these revelations have given me a better understanding of love, mostly God’s love for me, because I certainly don’t understand the love of man. So diving right in…
The “We Need Each Other Tour”… Let me start with the end. The day after the show Scott said something that he meant as a joke in response to the question “What’d you think of Tenth Avenue North?” He, in his Pentecostal high pitched voiced, said “Oh they were a blessing, that’s what us Christian call them, a blessing”. After basically peeing my pants laughing at the entire scene I just pushed the whole thing aside… but it's exactly what it was. Back to the beginning... Well, not the beginning because it’s kinda boring so, really the middle. A band called Vota opened for the whole thing. The guy walks on stage and I thought we had accidentally went to a Ricky Martin concert, SERIOUSLY this guys looked just like him, at least from where we sat. Once that band started it became clear very quickly his looks weren’t going to matter one bit. He had an AMAZING voice. It was flexible like Kevin Max, but absolutely crystal clear. So then… Tenth Avenue North came on. I, of course, was super excited to see them play again. They blew my mind at Soul Fest with both of their performances and I was looking forward to having that happen again. And it did. Mike (lead singer of TAN) was up there talking about something we just started a new Bible study about. Love. I know I know, who doesn’t talk about love? Especially when you have the chance to do so in front of lots of people. I was expecting something along the lines of “Love your God above all and keep Him king of your life”, you know, the typical (but good) message we hear a lot. But his message went more along the lines of “God loves YOU”. I have a terrible memory so I’m going to paraphrase to the best of my ability. “Think of how much we, as the body of Christ here on earth, could do when we all realize WE ARE LOVED”. So I’ve been meditating on this for a week or two now and here’s what I’m thinking… For those of you that have been in love you probably know that feeling of “I can conquer the world” when you realize that your significant other (spouse, fiancé, boyfriend/ girlfriend) actually LOVES YOU. I’m talking real love, not something you think you’ve shared with a bunch of people in the past year. I remember when I told Ryan about my past, my family, my screw-ups. I basically sat down with him one day, early in our courtship, and said “this is me, this is my family whom I love, I can’t come without this past, and I’m not coming without my family” And he said he loved me just the same, maybe even more. He held my hand while I cried these things to him and told me he loved me. I had this feeling, similar to the one I had when Jesus took me in. I felt like nothing could stop me. Here I am, sinful by nature and by choice, as unclean as any one person could be and Jesus took me into His arms and said “I forgive you”. But people, He didn’t stop there, I mean if He did it would be amazing enough but He continued. He said “I forgive you, and… I LOVE YOU. I love you more than anything; I love you more than my own life. I love you more then the angels who sing my praises every moment of every day.” THIS IS AMAZING! Doesn’t it make you want to do back flips or something outrageously wonderful like that? It does me. Can you imagine if the population of Christians in the WORLD took this to heart and felt the absolute power and joy it brings? I think we’d be seeing people literally dancing in the streets. It would be like the colored forest in Ted Dekker’s novel White (which I highly recommend if anyone is looking for a great read). If we realized and took in this Love with the gratefulness it deserves I don’t think any of us would be ashamed to spread it. Who wouldn’t want others to feel this love? This completely life melting, mind blowing and stark raving mad (as Mike put it in his journal) Love.
WOW!
We need Jesus, and He longs for us. It's amazing.
We had a memory verse in Bible study that goes right along with this. “As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will YOUR GOD REJOICE OVER YOU” Isaiah 62:5
I was going to write about other things, but they don’t seem important now.
Blessings,
~Jennanana
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