This week I saw a picture posted by a hard core Christian band. A friend of mine was a bit shocked and, i dare say, offended by it and asked my thoughts on it… Thus was born this blog that has been a long time stewing in my brain. I want to preface it by saying yes, I do listen to these bands still and yes, I'm sure I will be at another concert at some point in the future. I also want to warn that this may offend some who are into this type of music and/or "scene" but I would ask that you pray about why this was offensive of stinky to you and know my point was not to offend anyone…
The hard core/metal/alternative Christian music "industry" has gotten an increasingly bad rep in my book. Over the last few years I have spend countless hours listening to great, solid, awesome music with some great, solid, Biblical and theological themes that have spoken into my life. On the flip side- I've spent countless hours at shows of these same bands and have witnessed them singing these songs, but behaving completely contradictory of their message, and of the life Christ commands His followers to lead. I'm not expecting perfection from them, but I am expecting integrity. Furthermore, and this is what gets people ticked off at me, we concert goers who are Christians and proclaim the same Gospel, are doing what at these shows? Cursing, moshing, flailing about, hitting people, kicking people. Yeah, maybe by accident but it doesn't count as an accident after you do it once, then continue to repeat the same offense, all.night.lomg. This is something I have struggled with heavily because I love going to the shows, but after getting hit, felt up, hit, hit, hit, kicked, knocked down, I seriously can't justify it anymore. Not for me, and not for them. As cliche as people want to make it, I often think "what would Jesus do?" Honestly, does anyone think Jesus is ok with this type of violence? If so, maybe they need to revisit their Bible. Even more off is the gender issue... called me a sexist if you must but dudes are generally bigger, stronger, and have less cares in the mosh pit than chicks. Oh, and these dudes? Yeah- their the ones outraged by Ray Rice beating the snot out of his woman… their the ones agreeing that there's never an appropriate time to hit a woman… they're the Christians in the mosh pit who's out of control, flailing arm just hit a girl in the middle of her face, knocking her glasses of her head and throwing her back into the wall… Am I seriously the only person who sees something wrong with this? And what does the band do? They encourage the out of control-ness, and why? Because it looks better to them? So they know people "get it" and are into it? Where is Christ in this? I'm NOT condemning people for going to these shows, I'm not condemning the bands, I'm merely indicting the inconsistencies.
We are commanded to live a consistent life of integrity. 1 John 2:5b-6 says "This is how we know we are in Him: The one who says he remains in Him should walk just as He walked." These bands who go in the name of Christ, are ABSOLUTELY held to a higher standard because they have a pedestal with which they speak the name of Christ. People always want to say we put too high of standards on them but that is what comes with the territory. The minute they decided to be Christians in a band was the minute they became influential to a mass audience (regardless of size). Their Facebook pages, twitter accounts, instagram, whatever, is included in this. If there is a loss of integrity on Facebook, people are going to see it. Christians who may not be strong in the convictions of the Bible, are able to genuinely justify shady behavior because the older, "wiser," Christian did it. This is the problem I have with Emery, a band that I credit as music that got me through my divorce, a band who's music I really, REALLY enjoy. Their desire to be edgy to appeal to non-believers is a dangerous and slippery slope. They curse, just to curse, and talk about things that controversial (some I do think should be talked about but they take it much too far) for the sake of appeal? The Bible is CLEAR about this stuff. One of the many places is Ephesians 5 where Paul is talking about suitable behavior of the Christian. He tells us what to do and what not to do: "Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children. And walk in love, as the Messiah also loved us and gave Himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But sexual immorality and any impurity or greed should not even be heard of among you, as is proper for saints. Coarse and foolish talking or crude joking are not suitable, but rather giving thanks."
There's NO place for this stuff in the life of a Christian… if you notice, Paul DOES NOT say that this behavior is NOT right for world, because this is how the world thinks and acts. Unfortunately it's easy and "natural" for us to be that way. And some dare say that Christians who strive to uphold this level of integrity are somehow ostracizing the unbelievers. Yes, it may be intimidating for them to come into a place where cursing and foul jokes are not welcome, but the point isn't to lower our standards, the very standards Christ has given us but to love our brother when he comes in and uses such language. That love we show is a glimpse of Christ's love and once that heart is full of Christ's love the desire to be rid of language/talk that doesn't please Christ naturally follows that love.
The same for the moshing. I understand the intent behind it may not be malice, but Christ died for me, can I really not give up a ridiculous "dance" in order to show His love, through me, to my brother or sister? And for the ones moshing to "get out their anger," aren't we called to lay that before the feet of our Savior, rather than pound it into an unsuspecting brother or sister in the faith who only wanted to watch her favorite band play without fear of being beat up? Some may argue that there is a time and place for it but i disagree. And it's hard for me, most who know me know that I've been attending as many shows as possible of these types of bands for the last 8+ years. I haven't been to a show since August and I believe this is the longest stretch I've endured, and it's sad, and I thought it was going to be super hard to abstain from these shows but in my obedience to the Lord He has filled my heart and life with other things to do that build Him up and don't tear anything down. ANd it's been good, real good.
Again I'm not judging, I'm not condemning, I'm merely asking my brothers and sisters to think and pray on these things. Bands- is your everyday life living up to the words you proclaim in your music? Yes, I get that people may be hearing the Gospel but Christ didn't tell us to merely share the Gospel. His COMMAND was to "Go and make disciples." Disciples of whom? Him, Christ. That means teaching what He taught, living what He lived, being imitators of Him so those you are discipling would see a clearer picture of Christ and may live like Him and further the discipling. How you do ministry matters! Even for Jesus it mattered.
Brant Hansen wrote an amazing blog about this (the first quote is someone arguing against his point that how you do ministry matters) : “Just look at the fruit, though! This ministry may have milked people for millions, but you can’t argue with the fruit!”
But the fruit of the Spirit is not mass-appeal, nor institutional footprint. It’s not multi-campuses. It’s not community awareness or revenue growth. If it is, Starbucks is a spiritual giant. The fruit of the Spirit is another list, entirely: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, and self-control.
Bands- I get that your appeal is bringing in kids that may never go to church or other places that may present them with the Gospel, and I love that! But is your lack of integrity, diluting that Gospel? Are you portraying that in Christ we can truly be freed from the bonds of sin. Not just the consequence of sin, but the bonds of sin here, and now. That a new life, holy and pleasing the Christ CAN be lived here on earth through the power of the blood that rescued us ALSO from the condemnation of that sin? Or are you doing what Paul EXPLICITLY warns agains in Romans 6 when he said, "What should we say then? Should we continue in sin so that grace may multiply? Absolutely not! How can we who died to sin still live in it?" Do we talk foolishly and coarsely to make Christ appealing to those who don't yet know Him? Paul says no. What say you?
Whew! Don't be too harsh on me. Everything said here is out of love and concern.
Blessings,
~Jennanana
Showing posts with label Bible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bible. Show all posts
Friday, January 16, 2015
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Living Holy-Thoughts on 1 Peter 1:13-16
I sometimes feel like I have lost a lot in my life. Sometimes it seems worse than it is and I suppose it's because it really comes down to what I describe as a loss. The only important thing I have lost is relationships.
Some of the relationships I have lost have been lost just by the "normal" growing up and moving on sort of thing, and for these I don't feel such a burden for. It's the ones that were torn from me in a chaotic and unholy way that makes my heart break and makes me question all I am.
I have found a great place of peace now, after the the turbulence in my life after the divorce, then break-up with John. I still love and miss John and pray that he finds his way back to a place under God's protection but I am beginning to understand what God has in store for me (key word-BEGINNING), and He is revealing what it is I need to do to be ready for this next adventure. So with that said 1 Peter is what this is all about...
I'm studying 1 Peter right now, on my own. I've taken the advice of one of my professors and have begun reading a book of the Bible, the same book everyday for a month, then moving onto another book the next month (if that's too much, he suggests splitting the book into sections and reading one section for a month then the next for a month until the book is done. This is especially helpful for large books like Matthew). I've found something new to ponder almost every time I read it. Right now I am stuck (for lack of better word) on a section in the first chapter.
1 Peter 1:13-16
"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”"
Peter has always been one of my favorite New Test. peeps. which is why I started studying there and man, is it speaking to me. I've always tried to do the right thing and live a holy life but I don't know how inspired I've been to do so. Know what I mean? I wonder how much I have done out of a sense of duty and avoidance of feeling guilt (my arch nemesis). I know it's not always been this way; off and on I guess, but it has been like this for the past year or so... well, up until last month.
It's hard to live a holy when your not inspired to do so. What are things that would keep a person from inspiration in this subject? I know my number one would be the people I'm surrounding myself with and my number two would be guilt/shame.
If I spend all my time with someone who is constantly compromising in spiritual matters and the definition for holy is changing especially when this person is proclaiming to be a "Christian". It's easy for someone to start doing the same thing and compromise even when this person knows it's not the Truth... For me, this is where guilt and shame (and not to mention resentment) start to claim it's property on my heart and soul.
It's hard, I know, to get yourself out of a situation like this
but the weight of needless guilt and shame can be debilitating and start to gnaw away at all your relationships especially the one with Jesus.
It's much easier to be inspired to live a holy life when you surround yourself with others who are longing for and actively seeking to live a holy life like Peter insists upon. If you surround yourself with these people you'll be inspired because you'll start to see the Holy Spirit working in their lives.
READ YOUR BIBLE!!!!!
Nothing, short of the Father standing before you will inspire like reading, studying, speaking, praying, meditating on, and writing His word.
At the end of the verses I quoted earlier it says "For it is written...". It is my opinion Peter sadly understates this. It is not merely written... it is written,re-written, re-written, and re-written. And it's not like some random dude in the Old Test. wrote it, it was a direct quote from God spoken to Moses and Aaron. Those are some big names yo. And not only that but Leviticus 20:8 states God said "Keep my decrees and follow them. I am the Lord who makes you holy". There's the answer to the question of how to live a holy life.
Follow the ways of the Lord and He will make you holy.
Blessings,
~Jenna
Some of the relationships I have lost have been lost just by the "normal" growing up and moving on sort of thing, and for these I don't feel such a burden for. It's the ones that were torn from me in a chaotic and unholy way that makes my heart break and makes me question all I am.
I have found a great place of peace now, after the the turbulence in my life after the divorce, then break-up with John. I still love and miss John and pray that he finds his way back to a place under God's protection but I am beginning to understand what God has in store for me (key word-BEGINNING), and He is revealing what it is I need to do to be ready for this next adventure. So with that said 1 Peter is what this is all about...
I'm studying 1 Peter right now, on my own. I've taken the advice of one of my professors and have begun reading a book of the Bible, the same book everyday for a month, then moving onto another book the next month (if that's too much, he suggests splitting the book into sections and reading one section for a month then the next for a month until the book is done. This is especially helpful for large books like Matthew). I've found something new to ponder almost every time I read it. Right now I am stuck (for lack of better word) on a section in the first chapter.
1 Peter 1:13-16
"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”"
Peter has always been one of my favorite New Test. peeps. which is why I started studying there and man, is it speaking to me. I've always tried to do the right thing and live a holy life but I don't know how inspired I've been to do so. Know what I mean? I wonder how much I have done out of a sense of duty and avoidance of feeling guilt (my arch nemesis). I know it's not always been this way; off and on I guess, but it has been like this for the past year or so... well, up until last month.
It's hard to live a holy when your not inspired to do so. What are things that would keep a person from inspiration in this subject? I know my number one would be the people I'm surrounding myself with and my number two would be guilt/shame.
If I spend all my time with someone who is constantly compromising in spiritual matters and the definition for holy is changing especially when this person is proclaiming to be a "Christian". It's easy for someone to start doing the same thing and compromise even when this person knows it's not the Truth... For me, this is where guilt and shame (and not to mention resentment) start to claim it's property on my heart and soul.
It's hard, I know, to get yourself out of a situation like this
but the weight of needless guilt and shame can be debilitating and start to gnaw away at all your relationships especially the one with Jesus.
It's much easier to be inspired to live a holy life when you surround yourself with others who are longing for and actively seeking to live a holy life like Peter insists upon. If you surround yourself with these people you'll be inspired because you'll start to see the Holy Spirit working in their lives.
READ YOUR BIBLE!!!!!
Nothing, short of the Father standing before you will inspire like reading, studying, speaking, praying, meditating on, and writing His word.
At the end of the verses I quoted earlier it says "For it is written...". It is my opinion Peter sadly understates this. It is not merely written... it is written,re-written, re-written, and re-written. And it's not like some random dude in the Old Test. wrote it, it was a direct quote from God spoken to Moses and Aaron. Those are some big names yo. And not only that but Leviticus 20:8 states God said "Keep my decrees and follow them. I am the Lord who makes you holy". There's the answer to the question of how to live a holy life.
Follow the ways of the Lord and He will make you holy.
Blessings,
~Jenna
Sunday, August 14, 2011
"Son I Loved You At Your Darkest"...
I have been wanting to write this for a while now.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif.. The opportunity has arrived. I was listening to one of my very favorite tunes by As Cities Burn (see video above). A little ditty known as "Wake Dead Man, Wake". It's a powerful song both sound wise and lyric wise but for those of you (older) people who can't make out words when someone is screaming them it may not move you like it moved me. Here are the lyrics:
Let the dead bury their own dead
Will you still love me in famine
As when love began at the harvest
Or would you gain the whole world
Son, I love you at your darkest
But what good is the whole world
When I promise no tomorrow
I only promise your tomorrows
Will never take you past my palm
Love, what is love without trust
At my word would you bring your isaac
Son, I loved you at your darkest
Powerful right? Well, I looked at these lyrics months ago when I rediscovered this record and thought "WOW! Powerful lyrics"... but didn't really do much after that. On the ride home from Soul Fest last week I was thinking about these lyrics again... played the song from my handy dandy Zune (man, I love my Zune)and thought... "HOLY CRAP!!! Would I bring my isaac???" (For those of you COMPLETELY lost see Genesis 22 and know that Abraham and his wife Sara went many many MANY years with the promise of a baby but didn't have one until they were in their old age...) I started thinking... Would I bring everything I held most dear to my heart and leave it on the alter of God and walk away knowing and trusting that God would work it all out? See God wasn't asking Abraham to murder his own son, He was asking Abraham to trust Him. What is love without trust? It's not enough to love God you have to trust God in order to love Him completely.
So my question goes out to my brothers and sisters in Christ... At God's word, would you bring your isaac?
Let the dead bury their own dead
Will you still love me in famine
As when love began at the harvest
Or would you gain the whole world
Son, I love you at your darkest
But what good is the whole world
When I promise no tomorrow
I only promise your tomorrows
Will never take you past my palm
Love, what is love without trust
At my word would you bring your isaac
Son, I loved you at your darkest
Powerful right? Well, I looked at these lyrics months ago when I rediscovered this record and thought "WOW! Powerful lyrics"... but didn't really do much after that. On the ride home from Soul Fest last week I was thinking about these lyrics again... played the song from my handy dandy Zune (man, I love my Zune)and thought... "HOLY CRAP!!! Would I bring my isaac???" (For those of you COMPLETELY lost see Genesis 22 and know that Abraham and his wife Sara went many many MANY years with the promise of a baby but didn't have one until they were in their old age...) I started thinking... Would I bring everything I held most dear to my heart and leave it on the alter of God and walk away knowing and trusting that God would work it all out? See God wasn't asking Abraham to murder his own son, He was asking Abraham to trust Him. What is love without trust? It's not enough to love God you have to trust God in order to love Him completely.
So my question goes out to my brothers and sisters in Christ... At God's word, would you bring your isaac?
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Living Broken...continued...
So I have been doing a lot of thinking about my last post and I realize that it may have come across as a bit accusatory. I seem to have left out a very important part to the whole post... We all fall. So cliche right? Maybe that's why I left it out, i mean we all know it happens. I do things that don't glorify God, and actually glorify the enemy, more than I care to admit but what I don't do (and what the last post was really about) is do something that is clearly wrong, clearly sinful (yes, I said the dirty word sin) and say "I know this is sin and I'm going to continuing in this sin because I don't want to do anything about it right now..." I'm soooooo not perfect. Anyone who knows me knows how hot tempered and self-absorbed I am. I am a sinner, just like you but I choose to spend my life abolishing sin from my life and living as Jesus instructed His children to live... Like HIM. When I sin I want to stop dead in my tracks and do what I must to remedy the situation and learn from it so I will not fall prey to that trap again. When I lose my temper at a friend I desire to reconcile the relationship, apologize, and learn from the experience how to have better self-control which is a... fruit of the spirit...
I'm struggling these days just to live. My heart feels so heavy for the life that seems lost right now and I wish there were a word or phrase I could find to put things back on the right path but I know it's not mine to fix.... Cody Bonnette said it very well in the song "Into the Sea" by As Cities Burn:
"And I tried to stop it when
I saw your posture start to bend
But honey it was not mine to mend"
I don't know why I feel so burdened by this. Maybe I think it's partly my fault... maybe it is. I know it's not something I can fix so I've left in in the ever so capable hands of my Father but I still feel so wrecked, so heavy. Like war has been raging, like it has.
Stayed tuned for some exciting posts to come... and comment on here if you want to! I like comments... especially if they are not not mean!!
In Christ,
~Jennanana
I'm struggling these days just to live. My heart feels so heavy for the life that seems lost right now and I wish there were a word or phrase I could find to put things back on the right path but I know it's not mine to fix.... Cody Bonnette said it very well in the song "Into the Sea" by As Cities Burn:
"And I tried to stop it when
I saw your posture start to bend
But honey it was not mine to mend"
I don't know why I feel so burdened by this. Maybe I think it's partly my fault... maybe it is. I know it's not something I can fix so I've left in in the ever so capable hands of my Father but I still feel so wrecked, so heavy. Like war has been raging, like it has.
Stayed tuned for some exciting posts to come... and comment on here if you want to! I like comments... especially if they are not not mean!!
In Christ,
~Jennanana
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Living Broken...
Well, the UnderOath concert was absolutely AMAZING! I'll write more about that another time as I have other things on my heart tonight.
I am so totally sold out to Jesus. Madly in love. Reminded everyday that I am blessed beyond comprehension and WAYYYYYY beyond what I deserve. I have screwed up so much in my life and He continues to woo my heart while I throw my little temper tantrums and spit in His face. I was reminded again today in a very powerful and painful way that He is truly, TRULY looking out for me. He plucked me from the path of destruction when I didn't even realize I was destroying myself and all I have done for months is whine and cry over it, thinking this is His punishment for slipping up and not obeying Him in all things but today my eyes were opened. I don't want anything to cause me to stumble in front of Christ and I'm the idiot who keeps moving those giant blocks I can't hurdle right in my path with the full knowledge that the block i just moved is 3 times my height and I don't know how to get myself out of the mess i just made for myself. Anyway, I've had a frustrating day, news about the ex-husband I wish I didn't know, our refrigerator died, I couldn't find the eye liner i wanted at Ulta (uber important!), and a very unexpected phone call. But yes, I'm stuck at the revelation God has given me today. I'm so broken hearted for my brothers and sisters who are so deceived by the tempter and his wiles that they knowingly and willing turn their back on God's word and make a mockery of what He has called His children to be like. Not only that but they add to the world's already super tainted view of Christianity as THE hypocritical religion. It's so frustrating and I wish they would just open their Bibles and start reading! Jesus wasn't like "well, as my followers, as my adopted children, co-heirs with me, here are some rules that I don't really care if you follow or not" No way! He was like "This is going to be hard, the world is going to try and entice you to follow them but this is important! Follow me, live upright, don't murder, don't hate, don't steal, don't fornicate, don't idolize anyone. Live in the world but don't live like the world. You will be noticed and you will be effective for My kingdom this way!!!"
It's great to love Christ! It's so so so important to love Him, but after that we're still here... We still have a job to do. We have lives to change by showing them the purity and beauty of Christ and it can't be done by acting like this dark, dirty world. WAKE UP CHRISTIANS! Don't let yourselves be deceived and disqualified to be a light for Christ. Think of what He sacrificed for you and ask yourselves if what you want, your sin, is more important than taking Christ off that cross. You continue to live your life in willing sin it's just like your driving another nail in his hands. It's absurd! You know the truth, you've lived by the truth, and your going to do something contrary to it? You know the consequence and your still going to walk away from what is right??? REALLY?
Oh, God it breaks my heart! I love these people and they walk away just like that and it seriously breaks my heart. I don't know what to do with this kind of pain, and it's frustrating. I ran today to try and alleviate and it worked a little but not enough. I think this is like the demon that Jesus cast out of the sick boy after coming down from the mountain where His transfiguration took place. His disciples couldn't cast the demon out and Jesus came and talked with the boy's father then commanded the evil spirit to come out of the boy. Later, the disciples asked Jesus why they weren't able to cast this demon out like they had been able to in many other cases. Jesus replied to them (Matthew 17:21) "this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting" (if you have a NIV Bible you may have to read the footnotes for this verse, as they put something else in the actual passage). I think it's going to take some hard-core praying to ease the pain from this brokenness.
Good night!
~Jenna
I am so totally sold out to Jesus. Madly in love. Reminded everyday that I am blessed beyond comprehension and WAYYYYYY beyond what I deserve. I have screwed up so much in my life and He continues to woo my heart while I throw my little temper tantrums and spit in His face. I was reminded again today in a very powerful and painful way that He is truly, TRULY looking out for me. He plucked me from the path of destruction when I didn't even realize I was destroying myself and all I have done for months is whine and cry over it, thinking this is His punishment for slipping up and not obeying Him in all things but today my eyes were opened. I don't want anything to cause me to stumble in front of Christ and I'm the idiot who keeps moving those giant blocks I can't hurdle right in my path with the full knowledge that the block i just moved is 3 times my height and I don't know how to get myself out of the mess i just made for myself. Anyway, I've had a frustrating day, news about the ex-husband I wish I didn't know, our refrigerator died, I couldn't find the eye liner i wanted at Ulta (uber important!), and a very unexpected phone call. But yes, I'm stuck at the revelation God has given me today. I'm so broken hearted for my brothers and sisters who are so deceived by the tempter and his wiles that they knowingly and willing turn their back on God's word and make a mockery of what He has called His children to be like. Not only that but they add to the world's already super tainted view of Christianity as THE hypocritical religion. It's so frustrating and I wish they would just open their Bibles and start reading! Jesus wasn't like "well, as my followers, as my adopted children, co-heirs with me, here are some rules that I don't really care if you follow or not" No way! He was like "This is going to be hard, the world is going to try and entice you to follow them but this is important! Follow me, live upright, don't murder, don't hate, don't steal, don't fornicate, don't idolize anyone. Live in the world but don't live like the world. You will be noticed and you will be effective for My kingdom this way!!!"
It's great to love Christ! It's so so so important to love Him, but after that we're still here... We still have a job to do. We have lives to change by showing them the purity and beauty of Christ and it can't be done by acting like this dark, dirty world. WAKE UP CHRISTIANS! Don't let yourselves be deceived and disqualified to be a light for Christ. Think of what He sacrificed for you and ask yourselves if what you want, your sin, is more important than taking Christ off that cross. You continue to live your life in willing sin it's just like your driving another nail in his hands. It's absurd! You know the truth, you've lived by the truth, and your going to do something contrary to it? You know the consequence and your still going to walk away from what is right??? REALLY?
Oh, God it breaks my heart! I love these people and they walk away just like that and it seriously breaks my heart. I don't know what to do with this kind of pain, and it's frustrating. I ran today to try and alleviate and it worked a little but not enough. I think this is like the demon that Jesus cast out of the sick boy after coming down from the mountain where His transfiguration took place. His disciples couldn't cast the demon out and Jesus came and talked with the boy's father then commanded the evil spirit to come out of the boy. Later, the disciples asked Jesus why they weren't able to cast this demon out like they had been able to in many other cases. Jesus replied to them (Matthew 17:21) "this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting" (if you have a NIV Bible you may have to read the footnotes for this verse, as they put something else in the actual passage). I think it's going to take some hard-core praying to ease the pain from this brokenness.
Good night!
~Jenna
Friday, June 17, 2011
Placing Burdens in My Hands...
I really feel like poop these days... if you haven't guessed. Physically I feel better then I have in years. I think it's the running and eating less junk. But I just don't feel right, I can't really keep much food down even if I'm hungry and it's frustrating because I'm a big believer in eating lol. I really wish I had taken summer classes! I guess I could be in the Word more than I am currently. I've been writing a lot again not just in this blog, but maybe someday I'll put something that I wrote on my blog lol. Maybe I should pick up my bass guitar and work on that... wow, I shouldn't be bored at all lol.
I've been thinking a lot of Proverbs 10:12 "Hatred stirs up conflict but love covers over all wrongs". I really feel that there is a lot of hatred from John towards me right now... I wouldn't have said that 2 weeks ago but things have developed and words have been said and now I can't help but wonder what happened? (Not that I haven't been wondering that all along) I'm a peculiar person. I've been in a total of two relationships with men I thought (really thought) I would spend forever with... One ended in a heart-wrenching divorce and the other, just ended. I've not had the privilege to sit with these men and figure out what happened to change the way they felt about me. I don't foresee me having this privilege. It sucks, because I really want that kind of closure (not so much for the marriage as it has been years and I have mostly healed from that) BUT I know that I do not NEED it to get through this. God carried me through the divorce and I know He can and will carry me through this. But as I have resigned to defeat in first my marriage and now my relationship with John I just don't understand why someone would try to make it harder. I never saw any of this coming so I guess I shouldn't expect or not expect things to follow any sort of "path" I had imagined.
I'm just tired, you know? I'm tired of this sort of pain and the knowledge that I opened myself up to this pain the minute I decided to enter into another relationship. I'm tired of fighting and I'm so so sooo tired of the feeling I have in my stomach every time he is mentioned. I'm tired of feeling like a failure who "doesn't know how to keep her man"... thank you for saying that by the way (you know who you are).
When everything you've done is on your mind
Emotions left you cold and insecure
You anxiously unwind
The threads unravel tear and fray
The questions come in waves but God the answers are elusive
And all you want now is what you can't have
And all these secrets you'll never get to tell again
But your heart is breaking to the sound of a love that's past
The children of our folly
Are following behind
Can anything be done to fix what's broken?
We're running out of time
What can I give you if you're not asking for what's mine?
You remember what I did to save us
My love's attempts are crimes
And all you want now is what you can't have
And all these secrets you'll never get to tell again
But your heart is breaking to the sound of a love that's past
And I can't carry this for the two of us
Your placing burdens in my hands
I want you to love me, I want you to choose me
And now the image has been burnt into my eyes
My world's become a vacant chair
I stare at where you sat and said your soft goodbyes
So come home, just come home
I want you by my side I need you by my side
And all you want now is what you can't have
And all these secrets you'll never get to tell again
But your heart is breaking to the sound of a love that's past
I'm sad for the guy that wrote that song. It explains my heart so well right now. As much as I wanted things to turn out differently I know that right now if the relationship had continued the consequences would have been worse and the pain would have been even harder to deal with.
It's another lesson in trusting the Almighty with my over sensitive heart I think. I wish I didn't have to learn this way but it's better than not learning at all I suppose. I read that God will do what He must to be the center of your life. I know I can always work on keeping Him the center and I know I let John be that for me at times and even with this realization and confession the pain is still just as thick.
I'm going to try to find something to do on this rainy Friday night... Anyone up for X-Men or Pirates? ;-)
I've been thinking a lot of Proverbs 10:12 "Hatred stirs up conflict but love covers over all wrongs". I really feel that there is a lot of hatred from John towards me right now... I wouldn't have said that 2 weeks ago but things have developed and words have been said and now I can't help but wonder what happened? (Not that I haven't been wondering that all along) I'm a peculiar person. I've been in a total of two relationships with men I thought (really thought) I would spend forever with... One ended in a heart-wrenching divorce and the other, just ended. I've not had the privilege to sit with these men and figure out what happened to change the way they felt about me. I don't foresee me having this privilege. It sucks, because I really want that kind of closure (not so much for the marriage as it has been years and I have mostly healed from that) BUT I know that I do not NEED it to get through this. God carried me through the divorce and I know He can and will carry me through this. But as I have resigned to defeat in first my marriage and now my relationship with John I just don't understand why someone would try to make it harder. I never saw any of this coming so I guess I shouldn't expect or not expect things to follow any sort of "path" I had imagined.
I'm just tired, you know? I'm tired of this sort of pain and the knowledge that I opened myself up to this pain the minute I decided to enter into another relationship. I'm tired of fighting and I'm so so sooo tired of the feeling I have in my stomach every time he is mentioned. I'm tired of feeling like a failure who "doesn't know how to keep her man"... thank you for saying that by the way (you know who you are).
When everything you've done is on your mind
Emotions left you cold and insecure
You anxiously unwind
The threads unravel tear and fray
The questions come in waves but God the answers are elusive
And all you want now is what you can't have
And all these secrets you'll never get to tell again
But your heart is breaking to the sound of a love that's past
The children of our folly
Are following behind
Can anything be done to fix what's broken?
We're running out of time
What can I give you if you're not asking for what's mine?
You remember what I did to save us
My love's attempts are crimes
And all you want now is what you can't have
And all these secrets you'll never get to tell again
But your heart is breaking to the sound of a love that's past
And I can't carry this for the two of us
Your placing burdens in my hands
I want you to love me, I want you to choose me
And now the image has been burnt into my eyes
My world's become a vacant chair
I stare at where you sat and said your soft goodbyes
So come home, just come home
I want you by my side I need you by my side
And all you want now is what you can't have
And all these secrets you'll never get to tell again
But your heart is breaking to the sound of a love that's past
I'm sad for the guy that wrote that song. It explains my heart so well right now. As much as I wanted things to turn out differently I know that right now if the relationship had continued the consequences would have been worse and the pain would have been even harder to deal with.
It's another lesson in trusting the Almighty with my over sensitive heart I think. I wish I didn't have to learn this way but it's better than not learning at all I suppose. I read that God will do what He must to be the center of your life. I know I can always work on keeping Him the center and I know I let John be that for me at times and even with this realization and confession the pain is still just as thick.
I'm going to try to find something to do on this rainy Friday night... Anyone up for X-Men or Pirates? ;-)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Just Be Still and Breath...
So today at church we sang a new song (to us) called Speak, O Lord. I find it stuck in my head right about now and am thinking of how much I long to hear the Lord speak to me. It feels like it's been so long since I've heard Him speak in my life. Maybe I've been too caught up in my own crap to actually listen. Ivoryline says:
"Did you hear me call your name?
Did you hear me call?
Or were your thoughts just too loud?
Were your thoughts just loud enough for you to miss it?
I thought you'd be listening a little more intently for Me.
But I'll be here when your ready.
Until then just be still and breath.
Just be still and breath.
But I was screaming,
I was screaming"
I'm not the best at listening. I get a little restless after about 2 minutes. But BE STILL AND BREATH. Be still. We also sang Be Still My Soul. I picked that one because I need to be still. I'm so caught up with this stupid life; boyfriend, work, school, health, money, blah blah blah. What does it matter if I can't hear the one person "who knows me yet still loves (me) completely" (Relient K- I Am Understood?)???
Be still my soul the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
LEAVE TO THY GOD TO ORDER AND PROVIDE
Through thorny ways, He faithful will remain
Be still my soul when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last
Why is it so hard to trust God to work things out. He says He will. Shouldn't God's word be good enough? Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
So be still and leave it to God to order, provide, and work things out for my good. Doesn't seem so hard... riiiggghhhtt...
Be still and breath.
~Jenna
"Did you hear me call your name?
Did you hear me call?
Or were your thoughts just too loud?
Were your thoughts just loud enough for you to miss it?
I thought you'd be listening a little more intently for Me.
But I'll be here when your ready.
Until then just be still and breath.
Just be still and breath.
But I was screaming,
I was screaming"
I'm not the best at listening. I get a little restless after about 2 minutes. But BE STILL AND BREATH. Be still. We also sang Be Still My Soul. I picked that one because I need to be still. I'm so caught up with this stupid life; boyfriend, work, school, health, money, blah blah blah. What does it matter if I can't hear the one person "who knows me yet still loves (me) completely" (Relient K- I Am Understood?)???
Be still my soul the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
LEAVE TO THY GOD TO ORDER AND PROVIDE
Through thorny ways, He faithful will remain
Be still my soul when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last
Why is it so hard to trust God to work things out. He says He will. Shouldn't God's word be good enough? Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
So be still and leave it to God to order, provide, and work things out for my good. Doesn't seem so hard... riiiggghhhtt...
Be still and breath.
~Jenna
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tides Are Turning...
Well... It's been a while since I've been here...
A lot has changed in my life in the last year. I've come to places I didn't think I would ever find, nor was I interested in finding them, they kinda just found me. It's funny how God can work through everything and still I forget to trust Him. How is it possible He can still find me favorable when I doubt His ability and love... EVEN WHEN HE SPELLS IT RIGHT OUT TO ME?!? (Romans 8:28) How hard is that? Sheeeeez, anyway... In this last year I have felt a heaviness leave my heart. Anyone who has ever lost someone to death or divorce probably knows that feeling, the actual physical feeling of grief that just sits on your heart. Well, that feeling is finally gone. I've had my time to grieve and I am so thankful God gave me that time, because i have learned so many, SO SO SO many valuable things in this time that will, and have been important in my life. And now I am SO thankful God has put an amazing man in my life that has brought me joy abundantly. Yea, yea, I know I said I'd never date another man and this and that but I was wrong. God obviously had another plan for me then what I had planned for myself, which is totally mind-blowing because He's got a way better imagination than I do. I have found myself in this state of being so excited for what my future holds again. Well, if God can bring me out of what He has in the last few years, I believe He's got some more amazing stuff planned for me and I can't wait to find out what it is... Anyway, this blog has been a long time coming but I must keep it short.
If there is anyone reading this who finds themselves in a place full of grief and despair and troubles and worries don't be dismayed. God is amazing and if you are willing to trust in Him, He will reach out and pluck you from the trials and troubles of this world. He's not going to do it in your time or in a way you may think He should, but trust His words and trust His love. His love can and will conquer all. God made this simple through His words in the Bible. Jeremiah 29: 11-12,Romans 8:28, and Psalm 147:3 and so many many more. Take His words to heart. Lean on His goodness and love and know that He is the Almighty God and with Him nothing is impossible!
Blessings,
~Jennanana
A lot has changed in my life in the last year. I've come to places I didn't think I would ever find, nor was I interested in finding them, they kinda just found me. It's funny how God can work through everything and still I forget to trust Him. How is it possible He can still find me favorable when I doubt His ability and love... EVEN WHEN HE SPELLS IT RIGHT OUT TO ME?!? (Romans 8:28) How hard is that? Sheeeeez, anyway... In this last year I have felt a heaviness leave my heart. Anyone who has ever lost someone to death or divorce probably knows that feeling, the actual physical feeling of grief that just sits on your heart. Well, that feeling is finally gone. I've had my time to grieve and I am so thankful God gave me that time, because i have learned so many, SO SO SO many valuable things in this time that will, and have been important in my life. And now I am SO thankful God has put an amazing man in my life that has brought me joy abundantly. Yea, yea, I know I said I'd never date another man and this and that but I was wrong. God obviously had another plan for me then what I had planned for myself, which is totally mind-blowing because He's got a way better imagination than I do. I have found myself in this state of being so excited for what my future holds again. Well, if God can bring me out of what He has in the last few years, I believe He's got some more amazing stuff planned for me and I can't wait to find out what it is... Anyway, this blog has been a long time coming but I must keep it short.
If there is anyone reading this who finds themselves in a place full of grief and despair and troubles and worries don't be dismayed. God is amazing and if you are willing to trust in Him, He will reach out and pluck you from the trials and troubles of this world. He's not going to do it in your time or in a way you may think He should, but trust His words and trust His love. His love can and will conquer all. God made this simple through His words in the Bible. Jeremiah 29: 11-12,Romans 8:28, and Psalm 147:3 and so many many more. Take His words to heart. Lean on His goodness and love and know that He is the Almighty God and with Him nothing is impossible!
Blessings,
~Jennanana
Thursday, July 2, 2009
What Have I Learned So Far...
Like most people there are days where I feel so far away from God. Then there are days when I feel as though I am hold the clothe of his robe in my hands, like he is holding me near Him and I am literally under His wing of protection and love. Today was one of those days. It was so freeing, so pleasing, and so so peaceful. Then, just to make it a little better I get the "Divorce Care Daily Email" right now I'm on day 106 and we're on the "chapter" "Dealing With Depression" so everyday there is a new sub section in this subject. Today's was "Learn From Depression". Wow. So my immediate response is "Why would anyone want to learn from depression?" I quickly rebuked myself for sounding so stupid in my own head then I started thinking about the things that have happened that have brought me where I am today. Now I am thinking about the first time I understood the word "repent" (thanks Joe Rojas!). You're probably thinking I'm all over the place here, but that's how my crazy ADD mind works... like a collage. So, anyway, I thought of all these different things that I have not wanted to go through but have learned fabulous things because of them. Things about myself, others and most importantly God. So the question... what have I learned from my depression? Well, you won't get the whole answer but there's a few things I can share...
The most important thing I have learned is how God nurtures a broken spirit. Look in Psalm 34:18 it reads "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". Wow... Back sometime ago (I think a year and a half) I was a part of a woman's Bible study at church and one day there was this heaviness in the room. It was during a time when I was really struggling with missing my ex-husband and not knowing how I could move on in anything as a new person completely separated from the woman I had been for so many years. Other women in the group were facing struggles of their own. In fact I think that night every one of us had something going on. Some issues were medical some financial, others relational. And there was just a looming heaviness of heart in the room. We prayed for a very long time and something that Kim (our minister's wife) prayed has stuck with me and will continue to stay with me for a long time. She prayed thanking God for our brokenness because it brings us closer to Him (Psalm 51:17). He too was broken and He is the only one who can truly help us to overcome a broken heart and a broken spirit (Psalm 147:3).
It's amazing when you can look at your situation and all of the sudden realize "wow, i'm not that depressed anymore"... "I'm getting somewhere!"
More posts on "what I've learned from depression" to come... Until then Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans and to those who aren't Americans... Sucks to be you! ;-)
Blessings,
~Jennanana
The most important thing I have learned is how God nurtures a broken spirit. Look in Psalm 34:18 it reads "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". Wow... Back sometime ago (I think a year and a half) I was a part of a woman's Bible study at church and one day there was this heaviness in the room. It was during a time when I was really struggling with missing my ex-husband and not knowing how I could move on in anything as a new person completely separated from the woman I had been for so many years. Other women in the group were facing struggles of their own. In fact I think that night every one of us had something going on. Some issues were medical some financial, others relational. And there was just a looming heaviness of heart in the room. We prayed for a very long time and something that Kim (our minister's wife) prayed has stuck with me and will continue to stay with me for a long time. She prayed thanking God for our brokenness because it brings us closer to Him (Psalm 51:17). He too was broken and He is the only one who can truly help us to overcome a broken heart and a broken spirit (Psalm 147:3).
It's amazing when you can look at your situation and all of the sudden realize "wow, i'm not that depressed anymore"... "I'm getting somewhere!"
More posts on "what I've learned from depression" to come... Until then Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans and to those who aren't Americans... Sucks to be you! ;-)
Blessings,
~Jennanana
Sunday, April 12, 2009
More Ramblings....
Happy Easter! I have always loved this day. As kids it always meant lots of candy and fun silly toys. Not to mention great breakfasts and dinners. But since falling in love with Jesus many years back this day has been something more. I still get the candy and the toys (thanks Mom!!) and the dinners and such but I have such joy in celebrating this day! Joy is often times missing in my life so I eat it up big time when it's found and today (for the most part) was joyous! Worship at church was wonderful! I think it would have been even better if Scott were there but we definitely made do. Vince played the electric guitar and we had a special appearance by John on the drum kit! Scooter did a special song about how blessings tend to hide in the trials in life and it was awesome!
Today would have been a good day for the rapture I think. I cannot wait until "some sweet day I'll sing up there the song of victory!" How spectacular it is going to be to hug my Jesus, like physically hug Him! Good times... good times!
This week has been a very difficult one for me. We've had issues at work. Major issues at work *rolls eyes*. Divorce Care on Wed. was very emotional. It really is great to hang out with people who have gone through or are going through divorce and have someone that actually understands where I am coming from. I love my friends and family but other then my mom I don't really talk to anyone who really understands what comes with divorce. We were talking about how everything seems to go to heck when people decide to get divorced and how they act like children throughout it and someone brought up a really great point. Divorce is something that God HATES, it is not off Him, it is not right, therefore since it is not of Him it's going to be something of the devil and in turn something very messy and confusing (God says confusion comes from Satan) and just not good for you. I wondered why I was so sick both emotionally and physically for a very long time when I first got divorced and now I know why. And this is how it should be. If something that is not of God enters in so close it should make any follower of Christ absolutely sick. If it doesn't I would say there is something wrong. If it doesn't I would say that person needs to open up there Bible and read a few things like Mark 10: 2-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. Right in Malachi 2:16 it says "'I hate divorce,' says the LORD God of Israel".
If God hates it shouldn't we? I know I hate it but you probably already guessed that....
Enough rambling for tonight...
Happy Easter to all!
~Jennanana
Today would have been a good day for the rapture I think. I cannot wait until "some sweet day I'll sing up there the song of victory!" How spectacular it is going to be to hug my Jesus, like physically hug Him! Good times... good times!
This week has been a very difficult one for me. We've had issues at work. Major issues at work *rolls eyes*. Divorce Care on Wed. was very emotional. It really is great to hang out with people who have gone through or are going through divorce and have someone that actually understands where I am coming from. I love my friends and family but other then my mom I don't really talk to anyone who really understands what comes with divorce. We were talking about how everything seems to go to heck when people decide to get divorced and how they act like children throughout it and someone brought up a really great point. Divorce is something that God HATES, it is not off Him, it is not right, therefore since it is not of Him it's going to be something of the devil and in turn something very messy and confusing (God says confusion comes from Satan) and just not good for you. I wondered why I was so sick both emotionally and physically for a very long time when I first got divorced and now I know why. And this is how it should be. If something that is not of God enters in so close it should make any follower of Christ absolutely sick. If it doesn't I would say there is something wrong. If it doesn't I would say that person needs to open up there Bible and read a few things like Mark 10: 2-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. Right in Malachi 2:16 it says "'I hate divorce,' says the LORD God of Israel".
If God hates it shouldn't we? I know I hate it but you probably already guessed that....
Enough rambling for tonight...
Happy Easter to all!
~Jennanana
Friday, April 3, 2009
Easter Is Upon Us...
With Easter around the corner I've been thinking a lot about the crucifixion of Jesus. I always seem to get excited this time of the year thinking that Easter is coming. I was thinking today, after a conversation some co-workers of mine had about Catholicism and it made me wonder how practicing Catholics celebrate Easter. Do they get excited like I do? It seems to me that 9 times out of 10 a crucifix is used to depict the Catholic "denomination". You know the one, with Jesus hanging limply on the cross, the crown of thorns piercing His brow, with a look of pain and sorrow on His face. I don't doubt that this is how the crucifixion looked but, what's showing the best thing about this Lord we love and celebrate? What's depicting the fact that He ACTUALLY ROSE FROM THE DEAD? Any man can die. There have even been plenty of men that died to save the lives of others. So then if we leave Jesus on the cross, suffering, what separates Him from all the other "gods" people worship? It's the fact that Jesus rose from the grave with the keys of death and hell in His perfect hands that makes Him our Savior! And this is why I get excited at Easter time. I love celebrating the victory Jesus has over death. And guess what? Because Jesus conquered death, so shall I! I'm going to live forever with Him! And I can't wait for that forever to begin! You know what's even greater? In Revelation He tells us not only will we live forever with Him but we will reign like priests and kings for one thousand years after most of the events of Revelation. Amazing! How could anyone say no to this?
"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?"
1 Corinthians 15:55
Blessings,
~Jennanana
"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?"
1 Corinthians 15:55
Blessings,
~Jennanana
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saying Goodbyes and Loving 1 Peter
Wow, what a crazy weekend! I just got home from The Logan's house where I said goodbye to Ken and Melissa and Scott. I spent Saturday with Ken and Melissa helping them pack and move stuff into storage, fun! I know most people wouldn't count that as much fun but I'm pretty sure I'm not most people AND I'm pretty sure that was the most fun I've had in like months... I got there at about 2ish and April was there. We basically filled up boxes with random things for a little while until Ken got back with the big moving truck. He backed it up to the side of the building so we could just throw things out the 2nd story window at him, it was fun! After April and I did just most of the boxes Kens cousin PJ showed up and totally rearranged the truck, which is good cuz we needed A LOT more room. Then a little while later Shanon, Scott, and John showed up. I went to get some pizza and drinks and stuff and when I got back to the apartment I made Blue Lightning and it was delicious. After having one cup I was like, totally wired for the rest of the night. Ken, PJ, John, Scott and myself all went to the storage unit to empty the truck and I had a BAD case of the giggles. Between Scott's "little sheet heads" comment and John's comment on the box of toys I could hardly breathe! It was nice to just be able to chill with Ken and Melissa for one more day before the big move. Sleeping on their hardwood floor with a little blanket and half a pillow was a little difficult and resulted in only 2.5 hours of sleep but hey, who's counting ;-).
The three of them took off today at about 3:00pm and I am really going to miss chilling with Ken and Melissa but hopefully this whole Tennessee thing will go really good for them and Ken opens a recording studio and I can go work at it ;-)... Here's to wishful thinking!...
On a whole different topic I have been thinking a lot about the book of 1st Peter. If you haven't read it go read it now! I believe it's only 5 chapters... But seriously if you love Jesus you NEED to read this. I almost cry reading about how much Peter loved Jesus, how completely submerged in this "great romance" between himself and his Savior. I find myself thinking "hey, I want to be that in love with Him". So I made a decision... Most of you know I'm divorced (the name of my blog kinda gives it away) and I HATE it. I haven't started the whole dating thing, and I'm not going to. But even with that said, I still have this nerve in the back of my head that likes to remind me I'm alone, and I might be for the rest of my time on earth (alone as in no boyfriend or fiance of spouse). When this little nerve starts doing it's thing I start to get nervous and think "oh, maybe I should go out and try this whole dating thing" or something like that and I get confused, off track, and worried. So I have decided any time this little nerve starts transmitting these crazy thoughts I'm going to dive into the book of Peter. I'm going to fall more in love with Jesus just like Peter. I want to be so completely love-struck that people will ask what I'm on! I used to be like that back in high school but my attention moved from God to my spouse, and as much as I love Ryan, he is nothing compared to Jesus! In a way I have been blessed through this divorce, with an opportunity to focus completely on God instead of a spouse or whatever to fall back madly in love with Him. I want to be able to love in every circumstance. 1st Peter 4:8 is the verse I want to live my life by:
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
In Christ,
~Jennanana
The three of them took off today at about 3:00pm and I am really going to miss chilling with Ken and Melissa but hopefully this whole Tennessee thing will go really good for them and Ken opens a recording studio and I can go work at it ;-)... Here's to wishful thinking!...
On a whole different topic I have been thinking a lot about the book of 1st Peter. If you haven't read it go read it now! I believe it's only 5 chapters... But seriously if you love Jesus you NEED to read this. I almost cry reading about how much Peter loved Jesus, how completely submerged in this "great romance" between himself and his Savior. I find myself thinking "hey, I want to be that in love with Him". So I made a decision... Most of you know I'm divorced (the name of my blog kinda gives it away) and I HATE it. I haven't started the whole dating thing, and I'm not going to. But even with that said, I still have this nerve in the back of my head that likes to remind me I'm alone, and I might be for the rest of my time on earth (alone as in no boyfriend or fiance of spouse). When this little nerve starts doing it's thing I start to get nervous and think "oh, maybe I should go out and try this whole dating thing" or something like that and I get confused, off track, and worried. So I have decided any time this little nerve starts transmitting these crazy thoughts I'm going to dive into the book of Peter. I'm going to fall more in love with Jesus just like Peter. I want to be so completely love-struck that people will ask what I'm on! I used to be like that back in high school but my attention moved from God to my spouse, and as much as I love Ryan, he is nothing compared to Jesus! In a way I have been blessed through this divorce, with an opportunity to focus completely on God instead of a spouse or whatever to fall back madly in love with Him. I want to be able to love in every circumstance. 1st Peter 4:8 is the verse I want to live my life by:
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
In Christ,
~Jennanana
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Still Love... Real Love... "Love" Love
I'm told love can help heal. And by heal I mean any kind of heal, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. I've always believed this. It may not be a magical and flashy in-your-face kind of thing but I have always believed Love can heal. This whole thought comes from an article from Relevant Magazine that was emailed to me (thanks Shanon!) titled Being In "Love" Love.
I was instantly captured by this title and those of you that know me know why... For those of you who don't... It's pretty much just because I am a dork who says stuff like "like" that... Catch my drift? Anyway...
The article was about Love and how Love is defined. The author of this blog goes on to talk about how God is Love and how love is one of the very few things all humans need and desire. Therefore if God is Love and Love is needed isn't this need actually for God? WOA! So anyway everyone should check the article out. While I DO NOT agree with everything Relevant Magazine stands for I do think this article is one everyone should read...
Speaking about Relevant... I found it very interesting how there are like 3 categories in the "featured" menu on their web site "God", "Life", and "Progressive Culture"... what is up with that? I guess I don't understand how the first two can be separated, going back to the love theory... If God is life how can the two be separated? oi... and how is "movies books and films" considered "progressive" culture?
Anyway back to love...
I kind of find it weird that while suffering through the aftermath of a divorce that was not my choice, losing the only man I have ever loved (in a romantic way), and having everything I dreamed and worked for torn away from my death grip, I have become a crusader of Love. Once I had what I considered "everything" stripped away from me, I turned back to the only place that I could... I had burned all my bridges in my relationship with my husband and became a failure and another number to add to the heart wrenching divorce stats. All I did was turn around (not literally, but stay with me for a minute) and there was Love, with His arms wide open and His heart absolutely broken for mine. It was then that I realized the verse in Corinthians wasn't just some pretty wall hanging but words to live by. Absolutely live by. And this Love is what I want to be, not just what I want to show not just an action but a life. If we are created in the image of God, and God is Love, then shouldn't we also be Love? This is what I want....
We want love, love at the core
The cold of the flesh always seems to creep inside of my chest
And I need the pulse of You God
To fill these veins and touch my heart so I can start
Living again
We've seen the dark of the night
Son won't You come shine some light on our lives
We want love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
I'm numb to cries of this world
As I lye holding on
On You with all of me my everything
I need You to breathe into me
Son won't You come shine
Love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
So much more of this life
That we're reaching for
We want love
Sweeter than wine You are
You are
We've seen the dark of the night
Son won't You come shine some light on our lives
We want love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
So much more of this
Life that we're reaching for
We want love to bind us tonight
Leave behind your own disguise
So love can find you and I
I was instantly captured by this title and those of you that know me know why... For those of you who don't... It's pretty much just because I am a dork who says stuff like "like" that... Catch my drift? Anyway...
The article was about Love and how Love is defined. The author of this blog goes on to talk about how God is Love and how love is one of the very few things all humans need and desire. Therefore if God is Love and Love is needed isn't this need actually for God? WOA! So anyway everyone should check the article out. While I DO NOT agree with everything Relevant Magazine stands for I do think this article is one everyone should read...
Speaking about Relevant... I found it very interesting how there are like 3 categories in the "featured" menu on their web site "God", "Life", and "Progressive Culture"... what is up with that? I guess I don't understand how the first two can be separated, going back to the love theory... If God is life how can the two be separated? oi... and how is "movies books and films" considered "progressive" culture?
Anyway back to love...
I kind of find it weird that while suffering through the aftermath of a divorce that was not my choice, losing the only man I have ever loved (in a romantic way), and having everything I dreamed and worked for torn away from my death grip, I have become a crusader of Love. Once I had what I considered "everything" stripped away from me, I turned back to the only place that I could... I had burned all my bridges in my relationship with my husband and became a failure and another number to add to the heart wrenching divorce stats. All I did was turn around (not literally, but stay with me for a minute) and there was Love, with His arms wide open and His heart absolutely broken for mine. It was then that I realized the verse in Corinthians wasn't just some pretty wall hanging but words to live by. Absolutely live by. And this Love is what I want to be, not just what I want to show not just an action but a life. If we are created in the image of God, and God is Love, then shouldn't we also be Love? This is what I want....
We want love, love at the core
The cold of the flesh always seems to creep inside of my chest
And I need the pulse of You God
To fill these veins and touch my heart so I can start
Living again
We've seen the dark of the night
Son won't You come shine some light on our lives
We want love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
I'm numb to cries of this world
As I lye holding on
On You with all of me my everything
I need You to breathe into me
Son won't You come shine
Love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
So much more of this life
That we're reaching for
We want love
Sweeter than wine You are
You are
We've seen the dark of the night
Son won't You come shine some light on our lives
We want love, love at the core
So much more then what we're living for
We want love, we want love
Love at the core
So much more of this
Life that we're reaching for
We want love to bind us tonight
Leave behind your own disguise
So love can find you and I
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
This Weekend of Love...
Well, the weekend is over. And really, I should be in bed right now but I know I couldn't sleep so I thought I would blog...
I had a nice weekend, filled with friends that I love dearly. On Friday night Shanon and I went to a hockey game and saw a man make a balloon octopus. It was amazing! ON Saturday Betty and Heather came over so I could try on the brides maid dress and it fits and looks gorgeous (I think lol). Then the three of us went down to Portland and did some wedding shopping and just hung out. Then I went to the gym and after the food at the hockey game i REALLY needed the gym! I ran 3.25 miles and it felt sooo good, and what was even better was there was only 5 other people there lol. I guess Valentine's day is a good day to go to the gym lol. Anyway, after the gym I went home for an hour till Jen picked me up for our annual anti-valentines day movie time! We saw the movie Taken, which I highly recommend! Then we went to... Denny's lol. We had such a good time just chilling and laughing. Mom came over this morning and we talked for a little bit before I left for church...which was AMAZING! Vince taught about the prophesy in Daniel about the 70 "Weeks" and how it ties in with the Rapture and end times. Wooo! It was intense! Then after church I went to lunch with Scott, Shan, Jessie, Kyle and Kendra and it was a blast! Then I came home and attempted to help mom with her cell phone and such... interesting! And here we are... bedtime on Sunday and lucky me has to work tomorrow. I don't think there is any other downer like Sunday night/Monday morning. *sigh* Oh well, at least I have a stable job.
On a unrelated note... I've been doing a study in Ezekiel and am learning of the, what seems like, MILLIONS of times God delays His wrath on Israel. It's so amazing after all the "Chosen People" do to offend Him in this and many of the other Old Testament books and still He delivers them from wrath... My God is amazing....
Steady and unchanging
Your love is a mountain
Firm beneath my feet
Your love is a mystery
How you gently lift me
When I am surrounded
Your love carries me
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
hallelujah
Your love makes me sing
Hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah
Your love makes me sing
Your love is surprising
I can feel it rising
Oh the joy that's glowing
Deep inside of me
Everytime I see you
All your goodness shines through
I can feel this God song
Rising up in me
~Jennanana
I had a nice weekend, filled with friends that I love dearly. On Friday night Shanon and I went to a hockey game and saw a man make a balloon octopus. It was amazing! ON Saturday Betty and Heather came over so I could try on the brides maid dress and it fits and looks gorgeous (I think lol). Then the three of us went down to Portland and did some wedding shopping and just hung out. Then I went to the gym and after the food at the hockey game i REALLY needed the gym! I ran 3.25 miles and it felt sooo good, and what was even better was there was only 5 other people there lol. I guess Valentine's day is a good day to go to the gym lol. Anyway, after the gym I went home for an hour till Jen picked me up for our annual anti-valentines day movie time! We saw the movie Taken, which I highly recommend! Then we went to... Denny's lol. We had such a good time just chilling and laughing. Mom came over this morning and we talked for a little bit before I left for church...which was AMAZING! Vince taught about the prophesy in Daniel about the 70 "Weeks" and how it ties in with the Rapture and end times. Wooo! It was intense! Then after church I went to lunch with Scott, Shan, Jessie, Kyle and Kendra and it was a blast! Then I came home and attempted to help mom with her cell phone and such... interesting! And here we are... bedtime on Sunday and lucky me has to work tomorrow. I don't think there is any other downer like Sunday night/Monday morning. *sigh* Oh well, at least I have a stable job.
On a unrelated note... I've been doing a study in Ezekiel and am learning of the, what seems like, MILLIONS of times God delays His wrath on Israel. It's so amazing after all the "Chosen People" do to offend Him in this and many of the other Old Testament books and still He delivers them from wrath... My God is amazing....
Steady and unchanging
Your love is a mountain
Firm beneath my feet
Your love is a mystery
How you gently lift me
When I am surrounded
Your love carries me
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
hallelujah
Your love makes me sing
Hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah
Your love makes me sing
Your love is surprising
I can feel it rising
Oh the joy that's glowing
Deep inside of me
Everytime I see you
All your goodness shines through
I can feel this God song
Rising up in me
~Jennanana
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sorrow and Joy Met One Day On the Road To My Heart
When everything is wrong
The day has passed and nothing's done
And the whole world seems against me
When I'm rolling in my bed, there's a storm in my head
I'm afraid of sinking in despair.
Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what you're bringing me will
Change my life and bring you glory &
There on the storm I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in your arms eternally
I thank you, Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.
You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I'm amazed & the power of your will
Cuz I'm a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget your grace
And you say, "Peace, be still."
There on the storm I am learning to let go
The white wave's high, it's crashing o'er the deck
And I don't know where I go
Where are you Lord, is my ship going down?
The mast is gone so throw the anchor
Should I jump and try to swim to land?
There on the storm, teach me God to understand
Of the Will that I just cannot control
There may I see all you love protecting me
I thank you Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.
"Calmer Of the Storm" by Downhere
So, I've had a bad few days. Maybe being alone isn't the best thing lol. I really do enjoy the time I have to do whatever, playing my bass, my xbox, singing and dancing like a fool etc... But lately I can't stop thinking of the divorce. Not that I have ever stopped thinking about it but it seems to be on my mind a lot more. It's more than likely due to the fact that a friend of mine is about to get a divorce and another friend of mine is getting married and my little sister is getting married, a whole bunch of friends are pregnant... and here I am. In my hometown, in my mom's house. I'm tired of feeling stuck but at the same time I know I'm not stuck. Maybe physically and locationally I am stuck but, though I still miss my husband and wish we could have worked our way through our issues instead of giving up, I have moved on with my life as I have had to to survive. You know? The song posted above was brought up by someone the other day and I had to chuckle because it reminded me of a beautiful letter Ryan had written me when we were dating. Then started the chain effect and all these little cute things that he said starts popping into my mind, I sooo wish there were a button to turn of this flood of emotion that is a result of these memories. But there isn't and even if there were I don't think i would use it. I think it's so weird when people tell me not to "look back" and stuff. Short of amnesia, how am I supposed to forget something, someone that changed my life forever? Why am I expected to go on forever thinking he's not "good enough" for me when I gave him my vows on June 26th, 2005? If i could "get over" someone so quickly why would I have married him in the first place? It's an asinine assumption, but it is 2009 and I supposed I should not be surprised...
Anyway. In the midst of all this sorrow I am soooooo very delighted that I can smile and feel the joy of Jesus. Seriously, I'm not even just saying that b/c I am a Christian. Sometimes the joy is almost overwhelming, hence my random "I like Jesus" or "I love Jesus" outbursts (and you all thought I was just trying to get attention lol). It's sad that it took losing the "earthly" (sorry for the cliche) love of my life to become so much closer with the TRUE "eternal" love of my life. *sigh*
Night everyone!
O LORD, you brought me up from the grave;
you spared me from going down into the pit.
Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Love,
~Jennanana
The day has passed and nothing's done
And the whole world seems against me
When I'm rolling in my bed, there's a storm in my head
I'm afraid of sinking in despair.
Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what you're bringing me will
Change my life and bring you glory &
There on the storm I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in your arms eternally
I thank you, Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.
You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I'm amazed & the power of your will
Cuz I'm a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget your grace
And you say, "Peace, be still."
There on the storm I am learning to let go
The white wave's high, it's crashing o'er the deck
And I don't know where I go
Where are you Lord, is my ship going down?
The mast is gone so throw the anchor
Should I jump and try to swim to land?
There on the storm, teach me God to understand
Of the Will that I just cannot control
There may I see all you love protecting me
I thank you Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.
"Calmer Of the Storm" by Downhere
So, I've had a bad few days. Maybe being alone isn't the best thing lol. I really do enjoy the time I have to do whatever, playing my bass, my xbox, singing and dancing like a fool etc... But lately I can't stop thinking of the divorce. Not that I have ever stopped thinking about it but it seems to be on my mind a lot more. It's more than likely due to the fact that a friend of mine is about to get a divorce and another friend of mine is getting married and my little sister is getting married, a whole bunch of friends are pregnant... and here I am. In my hometown, in my mom's house. I'm tired of feeling stuck but at the same time I know I'm not stuck. Maybe physically and locationally I am stuck but, though I still miss my husband and wish we could have worked our way through our issues instead of giving up, I have moved on with my life as I have had to to survive. You know? The song posted above was brought up by someone the other day and I had to chuckle because it reminded me of a beautiful letter Ryan had written me when we were dating. Then started the chain effect and all these little cute things that he said starts popping into my mind, I sooo wish there were a button to turn of this flood of emotion that is a result of these memories. But there isn't and even if there were I don't think i would use it. I think it's so weird when people tell me not to "look back" and stuff. Short of amnesia, how am I supposed to forget something, someone that changed my life forever? Why am I expected to go on forever thinking he's not "good enough" for me when I gave him my vows on June 26th, 2005? If i could "get over" someone so quickly why would I have married him in the first place? It's an asinine assumption, but it is 2009 and I supposed I should not be surprised...
Anyway. In the midst of all this sorrow I am soooooo very delighted that I can smile and feel the joy of Jesus. Seriously, I'm not even just saying that b/c I am a Christian. Sometimes the joy is almost overwhelming, hence my random "I like Jesus" or "I love Jesus" outbursts (and you all thought I was just trying to get attention lol). It's sad that it took losing the "earthly" (sorry for the cliche) love of my life to become so much closer with the TRUE "eternal" love of my life. *sigh*
Night everyone!
O LORD, you brought me up from the grave;
you spared me from going down into the pit.
Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Love,
~Jennanana
Friday, December 26, 2008
Emanuel, Christ Is With Us!
Just something to keep you thinking and loving the One who created love...
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.
In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' "From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known.
-John 1:1-18
Amazing!
~Jenna
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.
In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' "From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known.
-John 1:1-18
Amazing!
~Jenna
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The Emptiness Is Taking Me.....
How many years have we waited
For a ship that never set sail?
And how many days have we wasted
Chasing a love that was not our own?
I sat ashore and watched
As one hopeless wave crashed upon another
While my thoughts ran to the highest hills
My heart never reached the sea
With only delusions of an endless journey
I am left with an ocean between you and me
Is this your salvation?
Is this all you can give?
I will not stand in reflection
Of someone else’s dream
The gate to my heart has been weld shut
With the splendor of my aspirations closed in
How many years have we waited
For a ship that never set sail?
And how many days have we wasted
Chasing a love that was not our own?
Is this your salvation?
Is this all you can give?
I will not stand in reflection
Of someone else’s dream
-An Ocean Between Us by As I Lay Dying
Ah, a truly depressing song to aid my truly depressed mood. So, I have been sad for the past few days. It started on Thanksgiving when we had to put one of our cats, Mia, down. It was sad and all but I'm pretty sure that's not the cause of my sadness. It was this way last year too. I'm not quite sure why I am so sad but I know it has to do with the Holidays and being (I bet you can guess it)... without Ryan. I know how dumb I must sound to most people, heck, I sound dumb to myself. I'm done justifying why it is that I feel this way because it doesn't really matter. The fact is i miss someone I love and still feel "The Great Sadness" of it. For the last 6 days I've felt a constant heaviness in my chest. You know, the feeling you get when your about to cry over something super sad. It feels as though I could break down sobbing at any moment. I know the snow didn't help my blues any, as Ryan and I enjoyed the winter time together. It's fun to remember the wonderful times we had in the snow, but still so painful.
So I'm thinking that I'm broken. Well, I know I am, but even that's ok. I'm reminded of something my pastors wife told me at a Bible study we had last year. At the time it was the first "Holiday Season" without Ryan and I was really sad. But a lot of the other women in the Bible study were having some things going on and there was this united feeling of brokenness among us. Kim said something along the lines of "Sometimes it's good to be broken. Even God himself was broken with grief for His son, Jesus. He was broken when Adam and Eve fell, and He is broken anytime a child of His leaves His side for something fleeting." It led me to the beautiful verse in Psalms 147:3 "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." Oh, how I long to be healed of this pain. But at the same time it brings so much joy that I was loved like Ryan loved me and that even through everything that went down, I can honestly say I do still love him. That doesn't mean I'm not sad, and very hurt, and VERY angry about everything that took place after he told me he was divorcing me. It's been a hard road and I know it will continue to be, but I'm pretty sure I have the right guide, the right protector and the right love carrying me through this. I truly wish everyone on this planet could feel the love I feel from Jesus. It is no doubt what I was made for. As TobyMac says:
I was made to love You
I was made to find You
I was made just for You
Made to adore You
I was made to love and be loved by You
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And you said You’d keep me never would You leave me
I was made to love
And be loved by You
"God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8.
Love real people!
~Jennanana
For a ship that never set sail?
And how many days have we wasted
Chasing a love that was not our own?
I sat ashore and watched
As one hopeless wave crashed upon another
While my thoughts ran to the highest hills
My heart never reached the sea
With only delusions of an endless journey
I am left with an ocean between you and me
Is this your salvation?
Is this all you can give?
I will not stand in reflection
Of someone else’s dream
The gate to my heart has been weld shut
With the splendor of my aspirations closed in
How many years have we waited
For a ship that never set sail?
And how many days have we wasted
Chasing a love that was not our own?
Is this your salvation?
Is this all you can give?
I will not stand in reflection
Of someone else’s dream
-An Ocean Between Us by As I Lay Dying
Ah, a truly depressing song to aid my truly depressed mood. So, I have been sad for the past few days. It started on Thanksgiving when we had to put one of our cats, Mia, down. It was sad and all but I'm pretty sure that's not the cause of my sadness. It was this way last year too. I'm not quite sure why I am so sad but I know it has to do with the Holidays and being (I bet you can guess it)... without Ryan. I know how dumb I must sound to most people, heck, I sound dumb to myself. I'm done justifying why it is that I feel this way because it doesn't really matter. The fact is i miss someone I love and still feel "The Great Sadness" of it. For the last 6 days I've felt a constant heaviness in my chest. You know, the feeling you get when your about to cry over something super sad. It feels as though I could break down sobbing at any moment. I know the snow didn't help my blues any, as Ryan and I enjoyed the winter time together. It's fun to remember the wonderful times we had in the snow, but still so painful.
So I'm thinking that I'm broken. Well, I know I am, but even that's ok. I'm reminded of something my pastors wife told me at a Bible study we had last year. At the time it was the first "Holiday Season" without Ryan and I was really sad. But a lot of the other women in the Bible study were having some things going on and there was this united feeling of brokenness among us. Kim said something along the lines of "Sometimes it's good to be broken. Even God himself was broken with grief for His son, Jesus. He was broken when Adam and Eve fell, and He is broken anytime a child of His leaves His side for something fleeting." It led me to the beautiful verse in Psalms 147:3 "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." Oh, how I long to be healed of this pain. But at the same time it brings so much joy that I was loved like Ryan loved me and that even through everything that went down, I can honestly say I do still love him. That doesn't mean I'm not sad, and very hurt, and VERY angry about everything that took place after he told me he was divorcing me. It's been a hard road and I know it will continue to be, but I'm pretty sure I have the right guide, the right protector and the right love carrying me through this. I truly wish everyone on this planet could feel the love I feel from Jesus. It is no doubt what I was made for. As TobyMac says:
I was made to love You
I was made to find You
I was made just for You
Made to adore You
I was made to love and be loved by You
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And you said You’d keep me never would You leave me
I was made to love
And be loved by You
"God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8.
Love real people!
~Jennanana
Monday, November 17, 2008
It’s Monday, and what a Monday it was. Work was insane. Seriously, I think sometimes there is no way it could get any busier in that office, but it made the day scoot by quickly.
I had a super fun weekend. Bible study on Friday, Scott’s big solo show on Saturday, and church and the photo shoot (hehe) on Sunday.
Bible study was awesome, as usual. It’s so nice to get together with a bunch of women and talk about God. As much in love with Jesus as I am, I am having a little trouble with the study as a whole. It’s called “Falling In Love with Jesus” which is great and all but there are all these questions that are like “when did you ever feel this way” or “have you ever fallen in love” or “when did someone ever to something this romantic for you” all the while I’m trying to forget about Ryan. I understand the study is trying to show that Jesus’ love is so much sweeter than the love a man could ever give but it’s hard to not fall into self pity when most of the other women are like “oh, my husband did this”. Anyway, I’m learning to trust God now, with all of my heart. And even though it’s been a hard road to get here, I think I really do feel more loved than I even did with my ex-husband. BUT PLEASE understand that it is not because he didn’t love me enough, it’s only because he NOR ANY man on this earth could make me feel loved like Jesus. My heart breaks when I see people that do not know this love, and are looking for it in their spouse or boyfriend or what have you. People don’t understand that man was made for God. God is the only one who can truly validate someone. He is the only one who could make anyone feel the true peace that love is. Real love. It’s sad to think people are just going through mate after mate to try and get this love, and never stop to think, after the 8th guy (great guys, but just not for me) that this love can be fulfilled by some sinning loser who doesn’t even deserve to feel an ounce of happiness in this fallen world. That’s what we are, we are losers. We are sinners, and we deserve nothing. But yet God opens his arms and beckons us close where he whispers the words in our ears “I love you, I want you, come follow me and be with me”. It’s only then do we know real love, and nothing on this earth can match it.
WHEW! Now that I got that out… Scott’s show was AMAZING! Seriously I didn’t even think I would like it as much as I did but it was awesome. The crowd was awesome! The crème puffs were terrific… seriously, they were gooood. I think he is going to be doing some big stuff pretty soon. Which is super and everything but I sure am going to miss him and Shanon. I love just hanging at there house and invading their special time together, and beating Scott at Call Of Duty. Good times.
Well, got to go to Dadio’s. Hopefully I will write more about church and the amazing photo shoot!!
Go read Romans…the book in the Bible, it’s beautiful!
Blessings,
~Jennanana
I had a super fun weekend. Bible study on Friday, Scott’s big solo show on Saturday, and church and the photo shoot (hehe) on Sunday.
Bible study was awesome, as usual. It’s so nice to get together with a bunch of women and talk about God. As much in love with Jesus as I am, I am having a little trouble with the study as a whole. It’s called “Falling In Love with Jesus” which is great and all but there are all these questions that are like “when did you ever feel this way” or “have you ever fallen in love” or “when did someone ever to something this romantic for you” all the while I’m trying to forget about Ryan. I understand the study is trying to show that Jesus’ love is so much sweeter than the love a man could ever give but it’s hard to not fall into self pity when most of the other women are like “oh, my husband did this”. Anyway, I’m learning to trust God now, with all of my heart. And even though it’s been a hard road to get here, I think I really do feel more loved than I even did with my ex-husband. BUT PLEASE understand that it is not because he didn’t love me enough, it’s only because he NOR ANY man on this earth could make me feel loved like Jesus. My heart breaks when I see people that do not know this love, and are looking for it in their spouse or boyfriend or what have you. People don’t understand that man was made for God. God is the only one who can truly validate someone. He is the only one who could make anyone feel the true peace that love is. Real love. It’s sad to think people are just going through mate after mate to try and get this love, and never stop to think, after the 8th guy (great guys, but just not for me) that this love can be fulfilled by some sinning loser who doesn’t even deserve to feel an ounce of happiness in this fallen world. That’s what we are, we are losers. We are sinners, and we deserve nothing. But yet God opens his arms and beckons us close where he whispers the words in our ears “I love you, I want you, come follow me and be with me”. It’s only then do we know real love, and nothing on this earth can match it.
WHEW! Now that I got that out… Scott’s show was AMAZING! Seriously I didn’t even think I would like it as much as I did but it was awesome. The crowd was awesome! The crème puffs were terrific… seriously, they were gooood. I think he is going to be doing some big stuff pretty soon. Which is super and everything but I sure am going to miss him and Shanon. I love just hanging at there house and invading their special time together, and beating Scott at Call Of Duty. Good times.
Well, got to go to Dadio’s. Hopefully I will write more about church and the amazing photo shoot!!
Go read Romans…the book in the Bible, it’s beautiful!
Blessings,
~Jennanana
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Good Lord, Good Times
Sheeez....Can anyone believe it's already November? It seems we were just ringing in the new year at Jason's house with all my super awesome friends.
Time is a weird thing, I remember being young and "happy" and time went by so slow. Now that I'm old and "not-so-happy" time just seems to fly by like something else! I guess that is just another beautiful blessing from God. I don't know what I would do if time were going by slowly through these past couple of years.
It's so weird how God continues to bless us... With it being the first Sunday of the month, we did communion at church on Sunday and Scooter ( YES SCOOTER!!!) dedicated it, or whatever it's called, and he quoted a passage from Exodus 12...(it's long, but worth it)
1The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in Egypt, 2 "This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. 3 Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb [a] for his family, one for each household. 4 If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat. 5 The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats. 6 Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the people of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight. 7 Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs. 8 That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast. 9 Do not eat the meat raw or cooked in water, but roast it over the fire—head, legs and inner parts. 10 Do not leave any of it till morning; if some is left till morning, you must burn it. 11 This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste; it is the LORD's Passover.
12 "On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn—both men and animals—and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the LORD. 13 The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.
14 "This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD -a lasting ordinance. 15 For seven days you are to eat bread made without yeast. On the first day remove the yeast from your houses, for whoever eats anything with yeast in it from the first day through the seventh must be cut off from Israel. 16 On the first day hold a sacred assembly, and another one on the seventh day. Do no work at all on these days, except to prepare food for everyone to eat—that is all you may do.
17 "Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread, because it was on this very day that I brought your divisions out of Egypt. Celebrate this day as a lasting ordinance for the generations to come. 18 In the first month you are to eat bread made without yeast, from the evening of the fourteenth day until the evening of the twenty-first day. 19 For seven days no yeast is to be found in your houses. And whoever eats anything with yeast in it must be cut off from the community of Israel, whether he is an alien or native-born. 20 Eat nothing made with yeast. Wherever you live, you must eat unleavened bread."
21 Then Moses summoned all the elders of Israel and said to them, "Go at once and select the animals for your families and slaughter the Passover lamb. 22 Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe. Not one of you shall go out the door of his house until morning. 23 When the LORD goes through the land to strike down the Egyptians, he will see the blood on the top and sides of the doorframe and will pass over that doorway, and he will not permit the destroyer to enter your houses and strike you down.
24 "Obey these instructions as a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. 25 When you enter the land that the LORD will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. 26 And when your children ask you, 'What does this ceremony mean to you?' 27 then tell them, 'It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelite's in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.' " Then the people bowed down and worshiped. 28 The Israelite's did just what the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron.
Isn't is amazing, the picture God was painting even HUNDREDS of years before Jesus came to save us. The blood of the innocent slain lamb would save you and make death pass over you without being overtaken by it. This gets me excited. Makes me want to run around and chant "DEATH IS NOT WELCOME HERE" or "DEATH WON'T BE FOUND HERE" or "CAN'T TOUCH THIS" haha... but it all goes right back to the same thing.... why? And it amazes me still... I think it always will, which is good because it helps keep me grounded. God WANTS us to be with him. He is zealous over us. He LONGS for us to call him Abba (daddy) Father.
So the Satisfied Tour came on Sunday. It was like the most fun I've had in a really long time. I finally realized I have more than like 3 friends. And I realized that my friends are freeking awesome! Ken and Melissa...They are both so selfless. They give give give and they don't just give. They GIVE! And bless. They are amazing, basically if they are involved in something its gonna be super awesome. Then Scott and Shanon, well they let me invade their space ALL THE TIME! Seriously I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for them in the beginning of the whole divorce. Then Jensui... She has always been there for me. My comic relief, my silly friend. She's the only one I could totally act silly and hyper with and not get that look... oh you know what look i'm referring to... I hate that look, but with Jensui we're just ourselves and fun! And we can even disagree now and like not get all fight-like about it. And then Bernie... He's just super hilarious and, though he doesn't know much about Jason Varitek, he is pretty smart! We can eve talk about Pentacel, and he got me a soda! And then April. Though we aren't very close and haven't known each other long I think she's the shiznit! She has 2 awesome kids and is just so cool and nice.
Anyway it was super awesome to have ALL these, and more (yes MORE) all in one place supporting each other and just having a fun time. I was not even all shy and stuff. Although I kinda feel bad for picking on that kid Jordan so ruthlessly... SPEAKING OF RUTH! They were so amazing on stage. And such nice and real. It was an honor to meet them and help support their awesome ministry. I think these guys were even more low key then Seventh Day Slumber... and for those of you who know me know that's a bold statement.
We were able to go to Denny's after the show with ALL the guys from DecembeRadio and Ruth, along with some..maybe all of the guys in SevenGlory. It was so awesome b/c we were all just really tired and hungry and I dont think we acted all weird and stuff because they are in the band. Dustin Ruth showed some cool tricks with forks and whatnot and Boone made sure we allll could see it. It was a lot of fun and I hope they all come back here to Maine (especially Ruth) soon!
Anyway I hope this blesses someone and if not it sure was fun to write...
Blessings,
~Jennanana
Time is a weird thing, I remember being young and "happy" and time went by so slow. Now that I'm old and "not-so-happy" time just seems to fly by like something else! I guess that is just another beautiful blessing from God. I don't know what I would do if time were going by slowly through these past couple of years.
It's so weird how God continues to bless us... With it being the first Sunday of the month, we did communion at church on Sunday and Scooter ( YES SCOOTER!!!) dedicated it, or whatever it's called, and he quoted a passage from Exodus 12...(it's long, but worth it)
1The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in Egypt, 2 "This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. 3 Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb [a] for his family, one for each household. 4 If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat. 5 The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats. 6 Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the people of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight. 7 Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs. 8 That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast. 9 Do not eat the meat raw or cooked in water, but roast it over the fire—head, legs and inner parts. 10 Do not leave any of it till morning; if some is left till morning, you must burn it. 11 This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste; it is the LORD's Passover.
12 "On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn—both men and animals—and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the LORD. 13 The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.
14 "This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD -a lasting ordinance. 15 For seven days you are to eat bread made without yeast. On the first day remove the yeast from your houses, for whoever eats anything with yeast in it from the first day through the seventh must be cut off from Israel. 16 On the first day hold a sacred assembly, and another one on the seventh day. Do no work at all on these days, except to prepare food for everyone to eat—that is all you may do.
17 "Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread, because it was on this very day that I brought your divisions out of Egypt. Celebrate this day as a lasting ordinance for the generations to come. 18 In the first month you are to eat bread made without yeast, from the evening of the fourteenth day until the evening of the twenty-first day. 19 For seven days no yeast is to be found in your houses. And whoever eats anything with yeast in it must be cut off from the community of Israel, whether he is an alien or native-born. 20 Eat nothing made with yeast. Wherever you live, you must eat unleavened bread."
21 Then Moses summoned all the elders of Israel and said to them, "Go at once and select the animals for your families and slaughter the Passover lamb. 22 Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe. Not one of you shall go out the door of his house until morning. 23 When the LORD goes through the land to strike down the Egyptians, he will see the blood on the top and sides of the doorframe and will pass over that doorway, and he will not permit the destroyer to enter your houses and strike you down.
24 "Obey these instructions as a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. 25 When you enter the land that the LORD will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. 26 And when your children ask you, 'What does this ceremony mean to you?' 27 then tell them, 'It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelite's in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.' " Then the people bowed down and worshiped. 28 The Israelite's did just what the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron.
Isn't is amazing, the picture God was painting even HUNDREDS of years before Jesus came to save us. The blood of the innocent slain lamb would save you and make death pass over you without being overtaken by it. This gets me excited. Makes me want to run around and chant "DEATH IS NOT WELCOME HERE" or "DEATH WON'T BE FOUND HERE" or "CAN'T TOUCH THIS" haha... but it all goes right back to the same thing.... why? And it amazes me still... I think it always will, which is good because it helps keep me grounded. God WANTS us to be with him. He is zealous over us. He LONGS for us to call him Abba (daddy) Father.
So the Satisfied Tour came on Sunday. It was like the most fun I've had in a really long time. I finally realized I have more than like 3 friends. And I realized that my friends are freeking awesome! Ken and Melissa...They are both so selfless. They give give give and they don't just give. They GIVE! And bless. They are amazing, basically if they are involved in something its gonna be super awesome. Then Scott and Shanon, well they let me invade their space ALL THE TIME! Seriously I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for them in the beginning of the whole divorce. Then Jensui... She has always been there for me. My comic relief, my silly friend. She's the only one I could totally act silly and hyper with and not get that look... oh you know what look i'm referring to... I hate that look, but with Jensui we're just ourselves and fun! And we can even disagree now and like not get all fight-like about it. And then Bernie... He's just super hilarious and, though he doesn't know much about Jason Varitek, he is pretty smart! We can eve talk about Pentacel, and he got me a soda! And then April. Though we aren't very close and haven't known each other long I think she's the shiznit! She has 2 awesome kids and is just so cool and nice.
Anyway it was super awesome to have ALL these, and more (yes MORE) all in one place supporting each other and just having a fun time. I was not even all shy and stuff. Although I kinda feel bad for picking on that kid Jordan so ruthlessly... SPEAKING OF RUTH! They were so amazing on stage. And such nice and real. It was an honor to meet them and help support their awesome ministry. I think these guys were even more low key then Seventh Day Slumber... and for those of you who know me know that's a bold statement.
We were able to go to Denny's after the show with ALL the guys from DecembeRadio and Ruth, along with some..maybe all of the guys in SevenGlory. It was so awesome b/c we were all just really tired and hungry and I dont think we acted all weird and stuff because they are in the band. Dustin Ruth showed some cool tricks with forks and whatnot and Boone made sure we allll could see it. It was a lot of fun and I hope they all come back here to Maine (especially Ruth) soon!
Anyway I hope this blesses someone and if not it sure was fun to write...
Blessings,
~Jennanana
Thursday, October 23, 2008
What Does The Bible Actually Say???
I was watching the show "Bones" yesterday, yes I'm a sucker for anything with David Boreanez in it ;-), and I was deeply disturbed. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at anything on tv these days, especially anything retaining to God or religion but as my husband, ahem, ex-husband would say, I am soooooo naive. Anyway, the episode touched on a very controversial issue that is not only plaguing the church but every aspect of Christianity. Yes, I'm talking about homosexuality...
Let me begin by saying I have a member of my family who is a lesbian, and I love her dearly. With that said the episode touched on homosexuals and the church. The church in the show was called "The Inclusion Church" and the pastor was a women who used to be a man (the name of the episode was The He Inside The She), they included all people, gay and lesbian, transgenders, and everyone else that wanted to be apart of their congregation. Where this whole thing starts to go wrong is when the word of God gets changed. Isn't the Bible the foundation of Christianity now? Since we don't have people who are still alive that saw Jesus, and the wonderful things he did while He walked this world we believe, by faith, that the Bible is the Word Of God. So we, to be Christians, or Christ-like, should follow the words of Christ, which, are in The Bible. I know for some people this may be hard to grasp so I'm going to focus on ONE Bible passage (THREE verses) to make my point.
1st Corinthians 6:9-10 states this:
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Honestly, how can people say they don't understand the Bible? That it's not clear enough for them? THIS IS PRETTY CLEAR. The Kingdom of God is Heaven, just in case you didn't know.
The following verse is something amazing. Keeping in mind that Paul was addressing the group of believers in Corinth when he says this...
And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
If homosexuality isn't a sin why did Jesus need to wash these people Paul speaks about?
Here's what it comes down to. Sin is sin, we are to hate it but to love the sinner. That doesn't mean their sin is ok, because sin is STILL sin. We as a church... no forget the church, the church is too corrupt. We as CHRISTIANS should be striving to teach the WORD OF GOD, not passing out white-out pens to everyone with a Bible saying "oh, this is what God meant to say" or "hmm, well, God didn't mean for this to be in here" or even better "let's just skip over these next verses, they don't mean anything anyway"
Most of the people who would disagree with me on this whole thing, but call themselves Christians would say adultery is wrong, cheating on each other is wrong. You could ask them why, and they would probably say something like "Jesus said it's wrong, and it's in the 10 Commandments" WELL HELLO! Jesus says homosexuality will keep you from inheriting the Kingdom of God. HEAVEN! Jesus says homosexuality will keep you out of heaven. This is sad.
It makes me so sad that people who are supposed to be leading people into Jesus' loving arms are telling them it's ok to give into the desires of their body and for what? To be popular amongst a growing demographic? To be different? These people should be checked. Everyone should be looking at their Bible to see what it actually says. You might be amazed.
Let me begin by saying I have a member of my family who is a lesbian, and I love her dearly. With that said the episode touched on homosexuals and the church. The church in the show was called "The Inclusion Church" and the pastor was a women who used to be a man (the name of the episode was The He Inside The She), they included all people, gay and lesbian, transgenders, and everyone else that wanted to be apart of their congregation. Where this whole thing starts to go wrong is when the word of God gets changed. Isn't the Bible the foundation of Christianity now? Since we don't have people who are still alive that saw Jesus, and the wonderful things he did while He walked this world we believe, by faith, that the Bible is the Word Of God. So we, to be Christians, or Christ-like, should follow the words of Christ, which, are in The Bible. I know for some people this may be hard to grasp so I'm going to focus on ONE Bible passage (THREE verses) to make my point.
1st Corinthians 6:9-10 states this:
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Honestly, how can people say they don't understand the Bible? That it's not clear enough for them? THIS IS PRETTY CLEAR. The Kingdom of God is Heaven, just in case you didn't know.
The following verse is something amazing. Keeping in mind that Paul was addressing the group of believers in Corinth when he says this...
And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
If homosexuality isn't a sin why did Jesus need to wash these people Paul speaks about?
Here's what it comes down to. Sin is sin, we are to hate it but to love the sinner. That doesn't mean their sin is ok, because sin is STILL sin. We as a church... no forget the church, the church is too corrupt. We as CHRISTIANS should be striving to teach the WORD OF GOD, not passing out white-out pens to everyone with a Bible saying "oh, this is what God meant to say" or "hmm, well, God didn't mean for this to be in here" or even better "let's just skip over these next verses, they don't mean anything anyway"
Most of the people who would disagree with me on this whole thing, but call themselves Christians would say adultery is wrong, cheating on each other is wrong. You could ask them why, and they would probably say something like "Jesus said it's wrong, and it's in the 10 Commandments" WELL HELLO! Jesus says homosexuality will keep you from inheriting the Kingdom of God. HEAVEN! Jesus says homosexuality will keep you out of heaven. This is sad.
It makes me so sad that people who are supposed to be leading people into Jesus' loving arms are telling them it's ok to give into the desires of their body and for what? To be popular amongst a growing demographic? To be different? These people should be checked. Everyone should be looking at their Bible to see what it actually says. You might be amazed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)